Consequences
by Oracleismyname
Summary: Jane is shot in the line of duty and the consequences are life-changing. Maura helps her through the recovery, but doesn't have a magic wand to undo the damage. Jane has to deal with facing a future in a wheelchair and the consequences for her relationship with Maura and her career. Rizzles fic.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I wrote this a while back in one hit and then sort of rejected it as worthy because I felt it was a bit short and lacked details and started another story instead which is still ongoing. I wasn't sure I would put this out there especially with a similar subject matter, but as I am still writing the other and i don't have an end in sight for that just yet, I thought I might as well put this out there. Probably best to read the whole thing before giving feedback. I don't know if I should write a sequel, I guess that depends on how well this goes down and if my other story ever gets finished!

Just a gentle reminder that if you post a question anonymously, I can't respond so sign in if you do want answers to questions.

I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit.

Consequences

Prologue

The ER doctor raised his eyes to a colleague. "Get two units of blood in her first. We'll X-ray here then we'll need an OR, and get those cops to wait outside the double doors like everyone else."

"They seem pretty determined to stay; it's a little hard to persuade them."

"Then tell them to stay out of our way until we have anything to tell them. Do we have a name?"

"Jane Rizzoli, Detective. Single gunshot wound to the left chest. Entry wound under left armpit, no exit wound. She was conscious at the scene to begin with and mentioned she couldn't feel her arms or legs, hence the back board."

"Detective Rizzoli, can you hear me?" The doctor spoke loudly, but received a barely audible response. "You're in the ER. We're going to X-ray you then you'll be going to surgery. Can you squeeze my hand?"

"Yeah," Jane's muffled response was about all she could manage. She didn't know which hand she was supposed to squeeze so she did both.

The doctor patted her shoulder. "Well done, detective." Turning to the nurse who was recording on the chart, he shook his head to indicate there had been no response. "Check the reflexes in the feet for me. Something's not right."

"Reflexes are negative, doctor," an intern reported back straight away.

The portable X-ray machine was swung into place and the prints were up on the screen in no time.

"Dammit," the doctor muttered. "Page ortho and neuro, she has parts of the bullet in her spine."

The neuro guy got there first. He looked up at the X-rays without even registering the patient's presence. "Looks like the bullet has fragmented into C6 and C7. She's going to need surgery, is Benedict on his way?"

"Right behind you. We'll get her on the table first then MRI tomorrow to see if the cord is damaged. Looks like it must have bounced off a rib. The cardio-thoracic team are waiting in theatre for the lung damage, but that doesn't look so bad."

"Let's get her in theater now; we'll deal with the consequences later."

Chapter 1

Earlier that day.

Maura looked up from her newspaper at her partner as she went straight for the coffee machine. She had given Jane a lecture before about making time for a proper breakfast, but knew she would be ignored. To be honest, Jane seemed to get away with a lot of bad habits without any negative consequences where her health was concerned. Perhaps it was all the running, Jane ran pretty much every day, they both did and that seemed to be sufficient for her lover to avoid putting on weight despite Angela's attempts to overfeed anyone she cooked for. How had Jane grown up eating cannoli and never put on a pound or two?

"Don't give me a hard time." Jane's morning voice was husky and just a little sexy as far as Maura was concerned. "If I hadn't been up half the night 'entertaining' you, I would have been able to get up earlier for breakfast. As it is I'm late for the stakeout with Frost already."

"Well that should leave you most of the day to eat and drink." Maura smiled up at her.

Jane scowled and grumbled in return which made Maura smile even more. "I made you lunch, it's in the refrigerator."

Jane quirked an eyebrow. They had been living together for two months now and this was the first time Maura had made her lunch. She took out the box filled with a salad and grabbed her mug of coffee. Walking over to where Maura was sat, Jane lowered her head and kissed her.

"Thanks for lunch, I'll see you later tonight," Jane gave her a quick squeeze.

"Take care, honey. Have a good day."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Maura," Frost's voice sounded urgent on the phone.

Maura was in the middle of dissecting a brain so her assistant held the phone receiver to her ear.

"Detective Frost?"

"Maura, it's Jane. She's in the ER. She took a bullet in the chest."

The ME dropped her scalpel and grabbed the phone. "What happened? I thought you were on a stakeout."

"We were, the suspect did a runner and we had to go after him. He pulled a gun and started firing indiscriminately. There were people in harm's way so Jane, well she put herself in between, we both did but she got hit. I think its bad Maura, she was wearing a vest, but it entered under her arm as she raised her gun to return fire."

Before she knew what was happening, Maura was in the back of a squad car with lights flashing and sirens wailing; she was listed as Jane's next of kin.

By the time she got to the ER though, Jane was already in surgery. Maura talked to the ER doctor about her lover's injuries but wished for once she didn't understand what he was saying. Angela and Frankie arrived a short while after.

"Maura, what's happening?" Angela looked grief stricken, not for the first time where her daughter was concerned.

Still in shock herself, she sat down and bid Angela to do the same. Bile rose in her stomach, but she forced it back down with a deep breath and tried to explain what she had just been told herself.

"Jane was shot with a high powered hand gun and the bullet went into her chest on the left. It entered under her arm, just above where the vest stopped. The bullet hit her rib cage and broke in two; the trajectory forced the fragments into her spine. She's in surgery now to stop the bleeding in her chest and to remove the bullet. The doctor said she has the best neurosurgeon in Boston repairing the damage to her spine as we speak. She's going to have the damaged bones fused together with a titanium mesh so no further damage can occur to her spinal cord and she's been given powerful steroids to reduce the swelling; they've been effective in reducing the impact of spinal cord injuries."

Maura's mouth went dry. She couldn't say anything else yet, because she didn't know how bad it would be. The chances of Jane getting away with a bullet in her neck and having no neurological deficit were slim. She did what every other anxious person in the room did, she sat and held Angela's hand and hoped that Jane would make it out of surgery alive.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Maura waited impatiently for Jane to wake up, or at least give some sign that she was no longer unconscious. The detective had been put in a medically induced coma for forty-eight hours while she recovered from the surgery. She was on a ventilator, the sound of which Maura had grown to detest in the time she had sat beside her lover. What she couldn't ignore was the chart at the foot of the bed.

The sedative had been reduced hours ago but Jane still hadn't come round. She was incredibly still, which Maura hoped was just the coma. Her arms lay beside her torso, outside of the covers. Each hand had IV lines running into the back of them. Hung beside the bed was the large catheter bag draining urine. "Jane is going to be mad about that when she wakes up." Maura spoke to herself.

Out of nowhere, Jane's eyes fluttered open and confusion appeared on her face. Maura heard the heart rate monitor change and reflexively looked down at her lover's face.

"Jane, can you hear me? Don't panic honey, but you have a tube in your throat to breathe. Just blink if you understand me."

Jane blinked to acknowledge Maura, but the confusion remained. It was common for someone on high doses of pain meds to be confused and disoriented when waking up.

"You were shot two days ago and have had surgery. The bullet went into your chest, under your left arm and fragmented. The fragments went into your spine and had to be removed. Two of your vertebrae were fractured and have been fused together." The doctor paused, realising she had just rattled off a lot of information. "Do you understand?"

Again, Jane blinked, but a tear ran from each of her eyes and still the confusion in her face was apparent.

"Are you in pain?" Maura asked but then realised an answer wouldn't be forthcoming. "Blink if you are."

Jane's eyes remained staring into her own.

"Is something wrong?"

This time there were two distinct blinks.

Maura was frustrated trying to understand so heaven knows how frustrated Jane must have felt being unable to speak. Jane's head was immobilised by a hard collar while the bones fused together with the titanium mesh. Maura also knew that with her injuries it was likely that at the moment at least, Jane would be unable to move and glancing down, she noticed that her whole body was inert.

Maura reached for Jane's hands and took them in her own. "Can you squeeze my hand?"

There was a change in Jane's face as though she was thinking, but then the confusion returned and more tears flowed. Maura hadn't felt a single twitch from Jane's fingers. A sinking feeling took hold of her and she knew what that probably meant. Again her thoughts returned to the chart. "Listen to me, okay? Don't panic. Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to get the doctor."

Moments later a doctor appeared, female this time. "Dr Isles, we need to check her over, can you give us a couple of minutes?"

Maura retreated to the other side of the glass panel in the high dependency unit while the doctor dictated to a nurse, who was completing the chart.

"Jane, hope it's okay to call you by your first name. I'm Dr Turner and I need to just check you over. I know it's frustrating with the breathing tube in place but you're going to need it for a little while." The doctor checked her pupils with a flashlight and seemed happy. She took a stethoscope and listened to Jane's chest. "Good movement of air in the left lung," she spoke to her colleague who scribbled away each time the doctor called something out. The monitors were all checked and finally she spoke to her patient again. "Until we can get the tube out of you, we need to use a rudimentary system to communicate. One blink for yes, two for no. Do you understand?"

Jane blinked once.

"Okay, so here's a test question. Are the Red Sox the greatest?"

One blink.

"That's fine," the doctor laughed. "We need to control your pain. If everything hurts too much, it will slow your recovery, so no need to play the hero; I know what you cops are like. You had some pain meds injected in surgery but they will be wearing off by now. If you are in pain, you need to be honest. Are you in pain at the moment?"

Two blinks.

"Okay, we'll check again in an hour. If anything changes before then, blink like crazy and we'll know you need something. Shall I have Dr Isles come back in?"

One blink.

She turned to the glass panel and waved Maura back into the room. Turning away from Jane, the doctor spoke quietly. "She's stable and everything looks good so far, but you can look at her chart for yourself. I'm going to give her a sedative, it's hard to sleep in here without it and she needs sleep."

Maura nodded. She felt a little numb, but knew enough to recognise how hard it would be to sleep with a ventilator hissing in your ear. "I asked her to squeeze my hands, but she couldn't and she hasn't moved anything, that's really not like her. If she could, she'd be pulling the tube out and we would have to restrain her."

Turner looked sympathetic. "It's not unexpected, but keep her reassured. As soon as the steroids take effect we should be able to reduce the respiratory assistance, but it's going take time and the best thing for her now is rest."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Dr Isles?"

Maura turned away from a sleeping Jane to see yet another doctor approach.

"Can I speak to you outside briefly?"

Maura stood and followed him, but kept turning her eyes back toward Jane. Angela sat beside her, holding her right hand and looked like she was praying.

"We think that a tracheotomy may be advisable within the next forty eight hours if Jane's breathing doesn't return of its own accord. Bearing in mind her injuries, there is a possibility that it could take time to wean her off the vent and the risk of pneumonia is much lower if we do the op. Obviously she will have a small scar on her neck after its removed, but we have every reason to believe that even if her paralysis remains, she will be able to breathe on her own once the swelling in her cord goes down. The steroids are doing their job, but with the surgery to her lung she is at greater risk of infection."

Maura nodded in agreement. She knew it would be for the best, but she hoped Jane might start breathing on her own without the need. They had checked once already the day before, but almost immediately, Jane's lips had turned blue and she didn't move much air. The panic in her eyes had been evident. She shuddered at the thought of it.

"You'll give her forty-eight hours you say?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't advise waiting more than twenty-four if there is no improvement today. If she is able to last a few minutes, however, we might risk waiting another couple of days."

"I'll tell her when she wakes up."

"I can talk to her if you like?"

"No, it's better coming from me."

"As you wish," the doctor held out his hand to shake and they parted.

Once again, Maura held a deep breath and went in to speak to Angela.

"Jane are you ready?"

One blink.

"Okay. I'll disconnect the tube and then I need you to try and breathe for me. Take as much of a deep breath as you can, but if you feel a sharp pain in your chest, let the breath go. Here we go."

Dr Turner pulled the vent tube away from the extension that went into Jane's throat. That part remained so that it could be quickly reconnected if she showed signs of distress.

A ragged hissing sound of air going into the tube was clearly audible and Maura smiled. "Go on, honey. Keep breathing," she encouraged.

Jane looked as though she was in pain, but kept on with the short, uneven breaths.

Dr Turner looked not at Jane, but at the oxygen saturation levels on the monitor. "That's excellent, keep going. Try to breathe down into your stomach."

Maura realised that her lover's diaphragm wasn't engaging, instead the V-shaped muscles in Jane's neck tightened and were doing most of the work. Dr Turner was trying to get Jane to breathe from muscles lower down in her chest and abdomen.

After five minutes, Jane was still okay, but breathing very shallow gasps instead of filling her lungs, so Dr Turner returned the vent tube to give Jane a rest. With a squeeze of the shoulder, the doctor congratulated her patient. "Well done. What an improvement over yesterday. I'm guessing Dr Isles must have told you about the surgery if you didn't start to move some air?"

One blink.

That earned a smile from her doctor. "We will try again in a couple of hours, but you need to rest before then. I want to try and get you to engage your chest muscles. I know that's not easy, but I want you to try anyway and even if it comes down to needing the surgery, I want you to remember that with the tube in your throat out, you will be able to communicate better."

One blink.

Maura and Angela left briefly while Jane's position was adjusted and to talk to Dr Turner.

"She's really trying hard breathe on her own and she is moving a reasonable amount of air, I'm just not sure it's enough to do more than lie still. We want to get her sitting as soon as possible so she can go to rehab, but that might just be too much without the vent at the moment. The longer she is immobile, the greater the risk of pneumonia."

Maura nodded. "I understand, thank you." Turning to Angela, Maura explained a bit more. "Angela, they want to start sitting Jane up, but when she is moved, it requires more oxygen and at the moment, not much is going in which could result in respiratory distress. She could faint or worse, suffer oxygen deprivation."

"But I don't understand why she can't breathe if she's awake now."

"It's the paralysis caused by her spinal cord swelling, Mrs Rizzoli. When the swelling goes down, the muscles should work again, but at the moment, they aren't and so we need to support her breathing for a while."

"So when the swelling goes down, she'll just start breathing normally again?"

"We hope so, I would say with some certainty that we will be able to wean her off eventually, but it might take a few weeks and so the surgery might be a good idea."

Angela nodded. "I understand. Do what you think is best, Doctor."

Two hours later they tried again and this time Jane managed eighteen minutes before she tired.

The next day, they did the surgery.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jane was dizzy as hell. The motorized bed had lifted her head about twenty degrees and already she was feeling like she was sea sick.

"Stop!" she mouthed the word. Her vocal cords were bypassed by the vent in her tracheotomy, but at least now she could mouth words even if no sound came out, just a breathy wheeze.

They kept turning the vent off and when they did, she could manage a hoarse whisper as the tube in her neck was capped and air passed through the cords again. But today they were trying to get her to sit up so the vent was back on for a while.

Everything felt strange. Maura told her it would be. She couldn't feel anything below her collar bones at the moment and so she felt like her head was floating but the rest of her body was submerged in a sea of mud. It felt like she was anchored to the bed and yet the staff were having to hold her head up so she didn't fall sideways. She had a constant ache in her neck even with the pain meds she was on and the only relief was a shrug of the shoulders. At the present time, that was the only voluntary movement she could make.

"Okay," she mouthed again and the bed was raised a little more until once again she felt a wave of nausea. "Stop."

This continued for an hour.

The next day this took place for two hours.

Maura had been at her bedside constantly for the whole two weeks. Apart from a few hours each night when the sedatives kicked in and left Jane unconscious so she could return home and get some rest herself, she had been beside her lover. She watched as Jane became more alert and aware of her circumstances, saw her go from immobile on the bed to being able to move her shoulders and breathe for fairly long periods unaided and now finally to sitting up, albeit reclined, for a couple of hours. Feeling was returning to Jane's right arm and even the more seriously injured left side, where she had tingling down her left bicep. No one had spoken about the long term prognosis yet, Maura didn't really want to know for now, they were just happy that with every day that went by, Jane seemed to get more back and no one wanted to curse the optimism they were all feeling.

Dr Turner walked in on Maura spoon-feeding Jane a yogurt. She wasn't up to anything solid yet, but was happy to have something tasty going inside. "Jane, good news. Spaulding are ready to take you next week. We are going to see if we can get you off the vent before you go, but it's not essential to start rehab."

Maura looked at Jane's face and watched the smile appear.

In a hoarse, but clearly recognisable voice Jane responded. "Good the food here is terrible!"

Both doctors in the room laughed.

"Am I going to get rid of the tube as well?"

"Not so sure that's going to happen for a few weeks yet, but don't let that worry you."

"The only thing I'm worried about is my little brother stealing my spot at work while I'm away." Jane grinned.

"I'm just going to do a quick sensation check before I go off duty, okay?"

Maura watched like a hawk as the doctor carefully checked around Jane's upper body. She didn't worry about her lower extremities for the time being. The day before Jane had been able to contract her right bicep for the first time and sensation had returned as far as her mid forearm. The doctor used the pin to test again and Jane clearly reacted positively almost down as far as her wrist, though the underside of her arm was still numb. On the left, the tingling was lower again, but she didn't have full sensation below her elbow and as yet, her biceps didn't seem capable of bending her elbow. Still it was better again, steady and uncompromising improvement each day was visible. On her chest, the doctor stuck the pin against the skin below her collar bones and Jane continued to respond until she reached below the level of her armpits. Sensation was completely absent from the top of Jane's breasts down. Maura gave nothing away in her face, but that sinking feeling in her chest happened again.

"It's good I get to go to Spaulding, close to home for you and Ma," Jane's husky voice responded to the news. Now she had her voice back, she had been chattering non-stop.

"You don't have to worry about us, just you. I know it's one of the best places in the country, but if there's somewhere else you feel could do a better job, I'll happily contact them for you. Maybe Shepherd in Atlanta?" Maura just wanted the best of help for Jane.

Dr Turner interrupted. "Shepherd is great, but for your type and level of injury I don't think another centre would be able to do more to help. Spaulding is excellent and they do a lot of sporty things there so I think you'll enjoy that too."

"Doc are you suggesting that I might be in any way competitive?" Jane showed mock surprise on her face.

The doctor's response was a chuckle and a wave goodnight.

Maura watched her leave then turned back to Jane. "Do you want another yogurt or is eating stopping you talking too much?"

"I'll be happier when I can feed myself again," Jane sighed, shrugging her shoulders again. Now the real emotions were on show. Frustration and annoyance.

"I'm sure you'll be doing that soon, in fact I would be shocked if that wasn't one of the first things they do with you in rehab."

"I'd rather they had me using a punch bag, I need to hit something."

"So long as you don't hit anyone, that's fine with me." Maura took Jane's left hand in hers and started massaging it. Jane couldn't straighten her fingers or thumbs without help, so they were loosely curled at the middle knuckle. She watched Maura without speaking at first as her partner lovingly kneaded her palm and stretched out the tendons to stop them contracting even more. After a few minutes Jane finally spoke up.

"How can you stand this, Maur?"

The ME looked up and made eye contact. "What do you mean?"

"Look at the state of me," Jane sighed. "I can't hardly move or feel anything, why haven't you run a mile?" A tear ran from Jane's eye down her cheek. She couldn't raise her right arm enough yet to wipe it away.

"I love you, Jane and I couldn't be anywhere other than beside you right now."

"But," Jane almost said something, pausing instead she raised her eyes.

"But what?" Maura was momentarily confused.

"We haven't talked about this properly. Maybe we should." Jane looked worried now. "Maybe I need to ask about what's next. I mean I couldn't speak last week so I couldn't and this week I've been avoiding it."

"Avoiding what, sweetheart." Maura reached across and stroked her lover's cheek to rub away the streak left by the tear.

"No one is volunteering the information so I guess it's up to me to ask. Am I going to be make a full recovery, Maura? I mean I know I'm getting a bit better every day, but no one is even going near my legs and it's starting to freak me out. Is that because I'm done for? I mean they're not saying I'll never walk again, but there not saying I will either."

Maura had dreaded this conversation, but knew it couldn't be avoided for much longer. She sighed without realising what that would signal to Jane.

"I knew it, I am done for aren't I? I knew there was something no one wanted to tell me."

"Jane, honey. Slow down a minute. You're over-thinking this. I sighed because there is no definitive answer to your question and I know that you would prefer I had one, but I don't and neither does anyone else right now. The truth is you could end up living life from a wheelchair, and if you do, I want you to know that it won't change the way I feel about you in the least bit, please understand that. But its also true that each day you might get back a little more feeling and eventually muscle control until you are back to normal, or not normal, that's a bad choice of words. I wouldn't want to imply that anything less than a full recovery makes you less than normal. What I mean is that a full recovery is still possible."

Jane looked into Maura's eyes and saw immediately that it was the truth, Maura couldn't lie. She felt a little relieved. The whole thing had spiralled so out of control, it was ridiculous to think that just a couple of weeks ago, everything in their life had been perfect and now it would be months before she knew what she could expect from the rest of her life. What had she done; risked everything again for her job? Every time something like this happened she swore she wouldn't put the job ahead of everything else in life, especially Maura, but every time, despite her best intentions, it just seemed to happen and she would get hurt again. At least Frost had killed the bastard and she had made sure no one else got hurt. No matter what else happened, at least a murderer was off the streets for good.

"Let's do your breathing exercises," Maura suggested. She was trying to take Jane's mind off her condition.

Jane grimaced. It always hurt on the left side of her chest, but she needed to get off the vent for good. While she was sat up and awake, she could breathe fine now, but everyone was worried about her stopping breathing in her sleep. Maura, despite her smaller stature, lifted under Jane's arms to sit her up a little more; she tended to slump after a while and couldn't change position by herself.

"Okay," Maura placed her hand on Jane's abdomen. "Try to breathe down as deeply as possible, make my hand move."

Jane glanced down to her partner's hand. She couldn't feel it, but seeing it made it easier for her to use her imagination. She took as deep a breath in as she could and held it for a second before releasing it. "Did your hand move?"

"Not that time, but keep trying."

Jane breathed in again, trying to visualise Maura's hand moving upwards as her ribs started to lift. She imagined that she could feel all of her ribs and make them move as they normally would. She looked again at Maura's hand, but it just sort of wobbled as she breathed out. They continued and although there wasn't much visible progress, Jane was improving the stamina of her breathing muscles if nothing else.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jane grinned as Maura held up a mirror to her throat. There was a small dressing over her throat where the trache tube had resided, but now where she had a handful of sutures having closed the hole. "Show me the one under my arm while you're at it."

Maura lifted Jane's left arm and showed her the scar from the entry wound. It was about four inches below her armpit and the size of a dime. That tiny little hole had caused all this damage. It seemed almost laughable.

"I would need another mirror to show you the one on the back of your neck, sorry."

"It's okay," Jane sighed and closed her eyes briefly. Her throat was a little sore from the sutures but at least she could feel it. She had been at Spaulding for two weeks and the vent was now history. True to form Maura had been right about her therapy as well.

Her right hand had a fork strapped to it and she was happily eating dinner. Her fingers weren't working but her wrist was and she could lift her arm up over her head. The left wasn't as good still, she could bend her elbow but not straighten it and her wrist was still out of action. Her breathing had continued to improve and though she wasn't at full capacity, she was getting there. The issue though had been a stall in the amount of feeling she had. Unlike the first couple of weeks where the sensation was returning on a daily basis, that had now come to a halt and for the last week there had been no change at all. Worried, she had asked one of the doctors to check again all over, but there had been no significant change to the areas she could and couldn't feel.

The two weeks had been a whirlwind of activity. Now the bones in her neck had fused around the implant, she was allowed out of bed. She had been on the exercise mats for stretching to keep her joints loose and they had her on a tilt table an hour a day to get her heart working more effectively again. The number of meds she had to take was crazy though and she felt like a complete druggy most of the time. Maura had explained what each did, though it seemed that for every one that was necessary, another was required for the side effects. Mostly though, she was worried about the painkillers, the scary addictive ones she was on. Maura was keeping an eye on the dosage though and seemed to prompt a reduction if Jane said she didn't need it. The physical pain didn't seem to bother her much. What was more concerning was Jane's state of mind. She had a shrink on her team as well as a medic for virtually every other possible thing. Maura didn't get to sit in on that part of her rehab though, and Jane would never be that forthcoming with her worries; she was playing it close to her chest as always.

The insecurities were beginning to show through the cracks though and Maura knew it. She could see it every time she arrived for visiting hours and asked about how her day had been. Jane happily told her all the things she had done that day, but wasn't talking about the things that hadn't changed. For that info Maura had to check the chart for herself. What she was most interested in was the sensation chart. Each day that week she had looked at the docs report and seen 'no change' recorded.

Jane had a steady stream of visitors, her family of course had been there every couple of days or so. Frost and Korsak were regulars as were others from the precinct. Even Lt. Cavanaugh had been by each week. That week in particular he turned up looking pleased as punch.

"Hey Rizzoli," he announced as he walked into her room. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything important?" He looked at Maura who was a pretty permanent fixture during visiting hours and sat beside Jane who was out of bed and reclined in a wheelchair that looked considerably too big for her.

"Hey Lieutenant," Jane gave him her usual greeting which was now a fist bump as she couldn't quite manage a hand shake.

"I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing and to give you some news."

Jane's eyebrows quirked.

He pulled over a chair and then held out an envelope.

She looked at it and wondered if it was a letter of dismissal from the BPD. "Er Lieutenant, help me out here will ya," she held up her hand to remind him that letter opening was still a little beyond her capabilities at that time.

"Oh, sorry. Of course," he carefully peeled the envelope open and unfolded the thick paper, laying it in her lap to read.

The paper curled so she instinctively reached out with her right hand to weight down the top, but now also used her left to smooth out the bottom. It was the first time Maura had seen her do anything much with her left hand and she had a small attack of pride that Jane was taking control of her body back.

"It's from the Chief of Police, Maura. They're giving me an award for bravery."

"Another one?" Maura responded.

"Quite right." Cavanaugh expressed his sentiments. "It's the least you deserve Jane, you put your life on the life to protect innocent bystanders, _again_."

"Thanks. Who nominated me?"

"I did after Frost turned in his report and the witness statements. I think Korsak brought you the letters we received from several members of the public thanking you for what you did that day."

"Yeah he did."

"The next ceremony is in a couple of weeks, but I'm guessing you'd rather wait until you get out of rehab."

Jane looked up at her Lieutenant. She knew what he was hinting at. He guessed she would rather wait until she could either walk or at least was more mobile than she was at present. He was right about that. "Thanks. That would be a good idea."

"Well, I'll stop by again next week." He held out the envelope to the ME.

"Thanks for coming, Lieutenant." Maura responded as Jane read through the letter again. He walked out leaving them alone once more. "Are you okay, you seem a little quiet."

"Just thinking about the awards ceremony. I know I won't want to go, but I guess I'll have to."

"Hey, you enjoyed the last one eventually."

"Yeah but I wasn't in a wheelchair last time."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Jane was working as hard as it was possible for one human to do. The neck brace was gone and though she still had to accept a lot of help with everyday things, she was getting stronger and more capable. She just wasn't getting any less paralysed. She wasn't quite sure when it happened, but the definition had begun to creep in. It was her official diagnosis; C6/7 incomplete quadriplegic.

She was beginning to be resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to be walking anytime soon. She had been at Spaulding for five weeks and had progressed into a smaller wheelchair but which still left a lot to be desired in terms of street cred compared to all the paraplegics in their tiny little chairs. She was jealous. It was a fact. She watched them zipping around all over the place. Jane was able to push the wheels of a manual chair, though not particularly smoothly. She had a pair of cuffs which she could now get on herself with the aid of her teeth and some tugging here and there. They sat over the palms of her hands and were made from grippy rubber which gave her more friction on the tyres, making it easier to push. Maura had been very encouraging about her progress and had been making enquiries about the best wheelchair models for her level of injury with the staff.

Jane had been a little upset about it. It was another sign that this wasn't just going to go away like it was something temporary. She knew as well that changes were going to have to happen at Maura's place for her to go home. It caused her to feel pretty low. She always intended her apartment would get sold off or rented out as an investment, but now it was pretty much forced on her. She couldn't let Maura be out of pocket for thousands of dollars because of her stupidity. That was how she viewed her actions now. It didn't seem brave to put her body on the line, just stupid.

Maura waited for Jane to come back from aqua therapy. She wasn't waiting long, when Jane wheeled through the door; Maura had her schedule committed to memory. She watched as Jane used her palms to force the wheels round, the stroke she used had gone from little more than nudging the wheels forward a couple of inches at a time, to now pushing the wheels a quarter turn each time; her fingers were also able to grip more. It was impressive progress in a couple of weeks.

"Hey honey." Maura greeted her partner and waved at the nurse who had followed her in.

Jane didn't look happy, she looked tired. Making her way to the bed, she reached for the transfer board and hooked it with her right thumb. With her back to Maura and the help of the nurse, Jane slid awkwardly from the wheelchair to the bed. Maura watched as her partner insisted on trying to lift her long legs up on her own. She was pretty stubborn and right now that was about the only thing helping her move forwards besides the encouragement of everyone around her; her own determination. She succeeded in getting her legs up onto the bed but was then a bit stranded and couldn't straighten herself out. Frustrated, she thumped her left hand into the mattress.

"Dammit!"

"Easy, Jane." The nurse was worried she might hurt her hand, she didn't have much sensation in it, even if she could use it fairly well now. "Take your weight on your hands behind your hips and see if you can slide backwards, I'm just going to lift your legs a little to take some of the weight, but you'll be doing the work."

Jane blew a short burst of air to clear her fringe from her eyes and nodded. She struggled to lean forwards and keep her balance, nudging her feet further from her knees one at a time. When her legs were a little straighter, she did as the nurse suggested and leaned back onto her hands. She had to work really hard to keep her elbows straight and strained as the nurse lifted both feet. Jane tried to drag herself backwards, but at first her hips wouldn't budge.

"Move your hands back a little more, Jane." It was Maura who offered the advice this time.

Jane did as she suggested and slid her hands back a little further. This time as she pushed, her hips lifted clear and she sort of half collapsed backwards onto her elbows, but having moved herself along the bed. She grinned a little and pushed back up onto her hands to repeat it. A third time and she felt the pillows behind her back.

"Why is that such hard work?" she asked rhetorically.

"Hey, most people with your level of injury are still rolling around in a powerchair and using a hoist to get in and out of bed." The nurse reminded her of how far she had come in a few weeks. It was still just two months since her injury and the nurse was right; after five weeks in rehab she was doing things that it took some people a year or more to learn.

Maura was glad Jane wasn't carrying any extra weight. Her long limbs weren't proving easy to manage, but at least she was light. Actually she looked much too light. Jane had never carried any extra bulk, but she had already lost muscle in her trunk and legs especially and it was beginning to change the way she looked. Her shoulders in the meantime were much bigger now she was training with her physical therapist in the gym, in fact her upper arms were twice the size they had been in just a few short weeks, but one look at Jane's forearms also told a story. There was an obvious lack of muscle around her wrists and in her hands; the large pad of muscle which gave the thumb its strong grip in particular had wasted away.

It was becoming more and more obvious that Jane's body was taking the shape of a typical low level quadriplegic.

After the nurse left, Maura pulled herself alongside Jane in the bed. She took her hands and gave them a squeeze which was reciprocated, even if it was without much strength.

"You looked a little annoyed when you came in earlier. Did you have a hard session?"

"It was okay, I wasn't mad at that." Jane kept her eyes on Maura's hands. "I was thinking about things that's all and it made me a bit annoyed."

"What sort of things?"

"Just that I need to sell my apartment when I was going to rent it out as an investment for our future and now much inconvenience you are having to put up with just because I am so impulsive. I got mad at myself."

"Why do you need to sell the apartment?"

"To pay for all the things that are going to have to be done at your place."

"Jane, firstly is not my place, it our place. And secondly, there's nothing to pay for. The Police Benevolent Fund has already agreed to pick up the tab for all the modifications at home. You were injured in the line of duty so you automatically qualify for financial assistance."

Jane's head fell back against the pillows behind her. Silent tears ran down her cheeks. She lifted her hands to wipe them but hesitated because she was still wearing the cuffs on them and knew they would scratch her face. In frustration she let her hands fall back to her lap and her shoulders heaved with huge sobs.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Maura was confused but realised Jane wanted to wipe her eyes. She took her hands one at a time and pulled back the Velcro strap which held the cuffs in place so she could slip them off.

Without answering Jane lifted her curled hands to her face and rubbed the tears away. She had a moment then took a grip of herself and sighed heavily. "Sorry," she breathed in her husky tone.

"What for?" Maura didn't understand why Jane was so upset about some good news.

Another deep sigh followed.

"Jane, please talk to me." Maura was begging to be let in.

"It's just this whole week has just made everything come to a head. I realise I'm going home soon but I'm not going to be walking through the front door beside you like I imagined. I'm going to be in the chair and I just never imagined it might be forever. I always just thought I would keep getting better and eventually get everything back."

Maura slipped her arm behind Jane's shoulders and squeezed her tightly. She realised what Jane had feared was coming true. They were both going to have to accept that this wasn't going to be something that went away in a few months. In truth Maura had pretty much resigned herself to Jane's injury being a permanent feature in their lives from now on, but she also knew that Jane wasn't quite ready to accept that her disability could be permanent. Maura sighed herself. This was going to be hard. It was putting a label on Jane, which changed the very nature of how everyone would see her from now on. It would be on all the insurance paperwork, her driver's licence and plates on the car. That little blue wheelchair symbol was going to start appearing everywhere in their life. Maura already had the parking permit ready in the glove box of her car for when Jane left rehab. She took a deep breath and started talking.

"Jane, honey, you still might. But we both need to be prepared for the fact that you might not. I haven't wanted to face this either but you're close to coming home and that means we are going to have to make the changes we have been putting off because we hoped they wouldn't be necessary."

She felt her lover's head nodding against her shoulder.

"You don't need to sell the apartment and we can still rent it out, but obviously with all the steps, it's not going to be easy for you to manage it for the foreseeable future. Why don't we just let an agent manage it, that way you don't have to worry about anything. As for our home, there are some people that were recommended by your occupational therapist and they are coming to look at what needs doing next week. I think it would be good if you were there to tell them what you think you need."

Jane nodded again but remained quiet while Maura went on.

"Lt Cavanaugh told me last week that he signed off on the insurance claim for you and the company will be in touch. You will qualify for a significant settlement because of your injury, but he also said he doesn't want to lose you from his team and until the situation changes, you have a desk job waiting for you if you want it; there's no need to fill out social security paperwork out, unless you would rather not go back to work."

"I'm not sure I can go back to work like this!" Jane held up her hands in frustration. I can barely hold a pen, let alone write anything. What use am I going to be even at a desk job?"

"Come on, you are perfectly adept at using a computer, I've seen you using your laptop plenty; no one writes anything but their signature these days anyway."

"I just don't want to be the token cripple in the corner of the office," Jane puffed the hair from her eyes as was her habit these days.

Maura was a little shocked at the use of the 'c' word. It was the first time Jane had used it in reference to herself. "Hey! If Cavanaugh didn't think you would have a useful purpose in that department, he would just let them put you on permanent disability. He's not advocating that, because he still thinks there's a chance you'll recover but also that even if you don't, your ability to help solve crime isn't affected; you just aren't going to be able to use a weapon or handcuffs for now."

Jane's head fell back against the pillows again. Maura wasn't often sharp with her these days. She thought about it some more and then sighed. "You're right, I know. This is just really hard to accept. In here it's okay because everyone is in the same position. Once I leave I have to go back into the world and it's more than a bit scary to think about how everyone is going to see me. I'm afraid of all the sympathy and pity and everyone assuming that I'll need help with everything."

"So you're going to have to go out with your head held high and show everyone that they are wrong about that. If you let everyone know that you can manage most things without help then they'll soon get used to your chair."

"Maura, I am still peeing in a bag. How on earth am I going to go to work everyday and cope with all that stuff; it takes forever."

"There are ways to overcome almost any challenge if you take the time to find out. I've been doing some research."

"You have? Why am I not surprised?" Jane's eyebrow quirked and a smile appeared for the first time in a while.

"I have made a list of things which I think you should consider, all of which will make your life easier."

"Really?" Jane knew she was actually going to get the list and chuckled.

"You may laugh, but I am serious." Maura took the list from her purse. "Did you know there is a surgery you can have that re-routes your bladder to your belly button and allows you to just put a catheter tube in when you need to go. I don't think they would recommend this yet because you may still recover, but it would let you get rid of the bag if you don't."

Jane's face screwed up. "That's gross!"

"On the contrary, it's much more hygienic than the indwelling catheter you have at the moment and even if your hand function doesn't get any better, you will easily be able to just go to the bathroom and pee instantly like everyone else, you just don't have to get out of your chair to do it." Maura paused briefly to look at her lover's face. "It would also mean the nurse wouldn't have to come by every few days to change the catheter tube for you. You can find all about it online and see what other quad … er, patients think about it." Maura held her breath and cringed. She hadn't meant to do that. She waited for Jane to erupt or start wailing, but only silence followed. She turned to look at Jane's face and was met with just a glassy stare from the chocolate eyes.

"Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"It's fine Maura. It's the truth isn't it? I have to start getting used to it and accepting this about myself. I can't be afraid of a word and let myself get all upset when people let things slip out without thinking. It's bound to happen a lot, so can we just get it out there and learn to live with it." She breathed heavily and just said it. "I'm a quadriplegic, albeit a pretty able one, but that's what I am right now. Even if I recover, I'll still be one to some degree. I'm a quad."

Maura reached over and squeezed Jane's hand. She was so full of admiration for her at that moment, she wanted to let the words gush out, but she knew that wasn't what Jane would want.

"You are amazing, you know that, right?"

"Just carry on with the list," Jane rolled her eyes.

"Okay, well although I think you could get in and out of a car, a mini-van might be easier. That way you can have a ramp fitted and could just drive from your chair without having to transfer in and out of the driver seat. It will probably save a lot of time and energy."

"I am not getting a mini-van," Jane folded her arms. "I'm getting pretty good at transfers so I'll keep my own car. I love that car!"

"Very well, then I will contact someone to come and fit hand controls for you. You will need to send off your driver's licence and the paperwork for new licence plates. I already have the parking tags so you don't need to worry about that."

"You do?"

"They came this week. I assumed they would be needed when you leave rehab; I have one in my car and one for yours when you start driving again. There are some more things that would help you around the house, but the other main thing is a proper wheelchair, including a spare in case anything gets damaged and needs to go off for repair."

Jane nodded to the bedside cabinet. "You can open the drawer and take out the brochures in there."

Maura did as she was asked. Not assuming anything, she placed them in Jane's lap. Jane flicked the first one off the pile but used her left thumb to hook open the second to a page with the corner folded over. "This is the one that was recommended for me. It's adjustable, which is good for a first chair and its super light so I will be able to lift it into the car on my own eventually. It's expensive though because of the titanium. It should take about three of four weeks to come."

"If it makes it easier for you, then we should get it. I have to admit though that I can't see you wanting the funky leopard print upholstery!" Maura made reference to the version in the catalogue.

"You're right," Jane chuckled. "I'll be having black."

"What a surprise," Maura rolled her eyes.

"I might have leather though," she waggled her eyebrows and Maura laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Okay, Jane. Take a deep breath first. Maura, I'm going to show you how to help, but I want you to actually do it, not me."

Maura looked a little nervous. She had her hand on the passenger door of her car, with Jane in the wheelchair alongside the seat preparing to swing across the gap.

"Thank God European cars are so low, Maur. I wouldn't have a chance if you had an SUV."

"I'd tear my skirts getting into an SUV!" Maura declared. "That's why I have a Mercedes."

"Okay ladies, are we ready?" Jane's OT was going to show Maura how to help her get into the car until she could do it alone. "So Jane you get the board where you want it. Make sure its right under your hip otherwise it could slide out from under you as you move across and you will end up in an untidy heap on the ground."

"Not cool," Jane replied in her husky voice.

"What should I do?" Maura hovered alongside unsure.

"Let Jane do the moving, she's used to it now. The only issue is to make sure she doesn't tip as she slides along. Her core balance is still improving so until she gets better at controlling her trunk, you have to make sure she doesn't go off to the open side or worse, backwards, because she won't be able to protect her head if she does." Turning back to Jane he continued. "Eventually, you might be able to do this without the board at all, depending on which car you drive and how easy the seats are."

"Well I'm a cop not a doctor so I just have a Saturn."

"Which model?"

"An Ion," Jane quirked an eyebrow almost apologetically. It was a nice car, but nowhere near as flashy as Maura's Merc.

"That's actually a really good car to get in and out of for a chair user, it has the suicide door right?"

"Yeah," Jane looked on surprised by his enthusiasm for her relatively modest car.

"Excellent for getting your chair in the back, no pillar behind the driver's seat, though you might think about changing out the driver's seat for a sports seat. It would help to stop you sliding around so much when you go round a corner. Okay Maura, you're up. Come and stand behind and just have your left hand gently here on Jane's back, where she can feel it. She'll know that if the pressure increases, she's leaning too far and can adjust. Have your other hand ready to come in under her right arm in case she goes sideways."

Turning back to Jane again, he gave her the signal to start moving. She had the board right under her butt and used it the same way she did getting into bed. She pushed down on the other end of the board with her left hand until it rested down in the middle of the car seat. Jane then started to push her weight from the right, using her shoulders in particular to lift her hips along the board a little at a time. It took about six or seven shuffles to get along the board so her hips were more over the car seat than the gap between wheelchair and car. Now able to rest her back against the car seat, she was able to start lifting her legs into the foot well. This was the bit Maura always found hard to watch. She hated to see Jane struggle, but Jane was insistent that she do this herself. Using her left arm to balance on, she hooked her right wrist under her left knee and tugged a few time until eventually she tugged hard enough to clear the lip of the car with her foot, which just sort of flopped into the car in the end. With one leg in, Jane adjusted her hips so that everything bar her right leg was now in the car. Repeating the same movement with her right leg, left her sat in the car and after a little more tugging of her legs, she declared herself satisfied. It had taken ten minutes but she had done it herself. Maura hadn't needed to do anything much at all apart from reassure Jane that she wouldn't let her fall.

"Okay, here's how to do the seatbelt. Jane, make sure you push your shoulders back into the seat, get your right hand hooked around where the buckle is, then put your left hand under the right and pull it across and down. Not sure if you will be able to grip it enough to get it in the catch though." The OT watched as Jane followed his demo. When she got the buckle down as far as the catch, which was cleverly pointing up in the right direction, she aimed one bit at the other and just pushed it in. There was a satisfying click as the two halves connected. "Good job."

"Thanks, no idea if I can get the button to pop it open though."

"Give it a try," he encouraged before getting in the back seat and fastening his own seatbelt.

Jane tried to use her thumb but she had difficulty pushing because her thumb just bent and she couldn't straighten it. Her fingers were much the same – she could pull with them, but not push. It was evidently frustrating. Maura was busy putting Jane's chair in the trunk and wondered what she was doing when she sat in the driver's seat. "Why don't you try to use the knuckle on your finger instead of the fingertip?"

Jane rolled her eyes at the suggestion, but then Maura showed her what she meant with her own. Able to use her wrist for the strength instead of her pretty useless fingers, Jane forced the catch to release the belt first time. She sighed, acknowledging Maura was right. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Maura replied. "Ready to go?"

"I guess," Jane replied. She was slightly apprehensive about the day ahead of her. It would be the first time she had been home since the shooting ten weeks ago. They were going home for the afternoon to meet with the contractor who was going to do the work on the house. With just a couple more weeks of inpatient rehab left, Jane was apprehensive about the trip.

It was only a short ride from Spaulding to Beacon Hill, where Maura pulled in the driveway alongside the house. Angela was waiting for them and talking to what looked like the contractor.

Jane's OT jumped out and started to assemble the wheelchair for Jane to get into.

"Okay, Maura, same thing again in reverse. The part to worry about is when she actually clears the car seat, but doesn't have her hips in the chair properly. If she's going to go over, that's when it will be." He moved out of the way to talk to Angela and the contractor. They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

The contractor made notes and drew a plan of the exterior, whilst Angela went to watch Jane get out of the car. She wanted to cry at seeing her daughter have to work so hard just to get into the wheelchair, but stopped herself, knowing it would only annoy her.

"Hey Ma," Jane got the words out, but was breathing heavily as she pulled her legs from the car and into position in the chair. Maura was aware that Jane would want to push herself to the door but waited patiently in case she needed help. "Ma, can you get the door for me please?"

Maura held out Jane's cuffs and watched while she used both hands and teeth to get them into place. When they were tightened up, Jane flicked off the brakes and started pushing her way to the door. She was pretty good at controlling the chair and rolled up to the contractor and shook his hand. Jane apologised for her 'lousy handshake' as she called it, where she basically just stuck her entire fist in the other persons hand and let them do the work.

She found that a temporary wooden ramp had been put at the door for her to be able to get into the house and was touched, knowing it had to be Maura's doing (or more likely her bidding and a workman's doing). That said, it was too steep for her to push herself, so she asked for help. The contractor spoke to the OT about a permanent concrete ramp and they agreed upon a degree of slope that Jane would be able to manage.

Maura and Angela helped to get Jane into the house. The door was easily wide enough to allow the narrow chair through. It felt strange to be back after so long away. Jane realised she had been absent longer than she and Maura had actually lived together. The time went quickly as they tried doorways and getting in and out of each room on the ground floor. Jane didn't want to venture upstairs, but engaged in the discussion about what would be the best solution for allowing her access to the upper floor. Maura was all for fitting an elevator but Jane was happy with a stairlift. She could have the spare wheelchair upstairs and so wouldn't need to have help at hand each time. Maura went up with the OT and contractor to look at the bedroom and bathrooms. Jane stayed downstairs with Angela who was trying her best not to interfere.

"Janie, I'm so proud of you." Angela gave her daughter a hug, despite the protest. "Maura has filled me in on everything you talked to her about last week. Everyone at the station is missing you like crazy too, they all keep asking about you. Even your father keeps phoning me to ask how you're doing."

"Thanks, Ma. Tell everyone I'm missing them a lot too."

"Tell them yourself. You'll be home soon so you can come by for a visit. Lt Cavanaugh really wants you to go back to work."

"I know, Ma. Maura told me, but I don't think I'll be ready for that for a while, if ever."

"Janie, don't say that. I have faith that you'll be okay."

"I don't know if Maura told you yet, but it doesn't look good for me walking any time soon. I still don't have any movement in my legs at all."

"I know, sweetheart, but that wasn't what I meant when I said okay. You don't have to be walking to be okay." She gave her daughter another squeeze. "Come through to the kitchen, I have a surprise for you."

"Ma, please tell me it's your cannoli! I am so over hospital food."

"You guessed!"

Angela watched Jane push her chair confidently towards the kitchen. Following behind, she felt very over-protective but not in the slightest guilty about wanting her daughter to be happy again.

They made coffee together, well Angela made it, but they chatted as she did. Angela, at Jane insistence, placed the flatware in her daughter's lap so Jane could at least lay the table. "Let me do something to help, otherwise I start to feel useless. I can manage to put out a few forks and spoons." Which was true. Now she could use her hands after a fashion, manipulating things had become much easier and with these tasks, Jane was improving her balance and coordination. Mostly though she just felt like she was being normal again.

There was a small disagreement between Jane and a dining chair which eventually Jane won by persuading the chair it needed to move. There was a moment of panic in Angela's eyes when she saw Jane lose her balance trying to pull it backwards and falling chest down across her own knees. Jane still had little control over her torso, and relied upon her arms and shoulders for almost every movement, so she had become accustomed to this happening, but Angela hadn't seen it before and started to rush over.

"I'm okay, Ma. It happens all the time. I'm fine," Jane pushed down on her knees to lift herself back into position. "Good job I had put out all the forks though or I might have given myself a few puncture wounds."

Angela's face fell as she thought about it, but then looked at Jane's face and realised she had been joking around. In mock outrage Angela continued towards her daughter and gave her a scalding for being cheeky.

"Ma, calm down, I told you it happens all the time. It doesn't hurt or anything." Jane was struggling not to laugh too much but was chuckling throughout the exchange and eventually Angela's pout turned to a giggle as well. She moved the chair further out of the way so that Jane could roll up to the table. "Damn." Jane realised her knees wouldn't go under the table.

"No cursing!" her mother warned.

At that moment Maura and the two visitors returned. Jane apologised to her mother and then showed Maura the problem with the dining table. "Your legs are just too long, Jane. We're either going to have to buy a new table or cut them off."

Jane laughed at Maura's dry humour as everyone sat around and discussed the proposed changes.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Three weeks later

The last three weeks had been spent with Jane in both her regular therapies but also visits outside the rehab centre to get over some of the institutionalisation she was experiencing. Maura had taken Jane shopping a few times, not one of her partner's favourite pastimes usually, but essential. Many of Jane's clothes were not fitting right. She had spent much of her time in sweats, which was fine, but now she was sat all the time, her pants were too short, so they had gone to buy a selection of things Jane could wear when she needed to look decent. She had also lost weight around her waist and hips so needed a smaller size that she had worn before the shooting. Maura wanted her to buy a couple of nice dresses, but Jane drew the line and refused. She wasn't fond of them at the best of times, and the thought of her wasted legs on show freaked her out; she definitely wasn't ready to face that yet.

The trunk was full of supplies that Jane would need for the immediate future, so her chair was going to have to go in the back of Maura's car. The new chair would be delivered next week so she kept the one they had given her in rehab for the time being. Jane was still trying to leave, but was caught saying her farewells to the staff and other patients. They had just had a final visit from Jane's rehab team who all had a mixture of schedules and advice. She had to go back twice a week for aqua and regular PT sessions for the foreseeable future and appointments had been scheduled with some of the specialists for check-ups or advice sessions. The shrink was happy to see her once a month for the time being, which was good news and she had weekends booked up with an adaptive sports programme. All in all, Maura was relieved that they wouldn't just be taking her home and getting on with life without any further support; none of them felt ready for that. Angela offered to care for Jane after she was discharged, but there was no way her feisty daughter would allow that. Jane agreed to have a nurse come by every other day for a few hours to help her shower and do her bowel care, but apart from that, she wasn't going to allow everyone's lives to be too disrupted. She was mostly able to dress herself and Maura would help her with the things she still found hard, like shoes. She was able to empty the leg bag herself during the day and although transfers were energy sapping, she was good at switching from chair to bed. That said, she agreed to a rota for her friends and family to stay with her for the first couple of weeks at home, until she had gotten used to things; she was hoping long term care wouldn't be necessary, but if it was, she wouldn't be letting her family take the strain, she would hire someone.

The last visit from her doctor had been largely positive about the future prospects for further progress. He had related her excellent progress to the fact that Jane was both driven and physically adept. Maura reflected on his words to Jane after she had been a little derisory about his 'physically adept' comment.

"Jane, seriously. If your injury had been complete and by that I mean the bullet had gone straight into the cord instead of a couple of pieces of shrapnel, you would probably be in a powerchair and dependent on help for pretty much everything. Your body has responded really well to all the therapies and there's plenty of evidence to suggest that you may still recover more sensation and movement as you get stronger. With your physical abilities, I have no doubt that you are going to be able to do pretty much everything for yourself eventually as far as personal care goes and I know how important that is to you."

Jane hung her head a little realising she hadn't been thinking about the big picture. "I guess changing light bulbs is probably out of the question for good though?" She grinned at the doctor.

Maura rolled her eyes. "That's why we have lamps, Jane."

"I was just kidding, Maura!"

"Ladies, I wish you well. We are here if you need us and Jane, keep up the training. If you start to get any significant improvements in sensation or muscle control, I want to see you as soon as possible, otherwise I will see you in three months for a routine check."

Jane was surprisingly calm for someone who was known to have a bit of a temper. She had finally come to be at peace with her current situation. That's not the same as happy about it, because that wasn't the case, but accepting her situation for the time being and being ready to move on to the next chapter of her life was something she could manage.

Eventually, Jane rolled herself out to Maura's car, which was parked close to the entrance in one of the handicap spaces, which still freaked her out, as did the permit hanging from the rear view mirror with the large blue badge.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," Jane halted at the passenger door and waited for Maura to open it for her; it was the handle that caused her a problem rather than the door itself. When the door was open as far as possible, Jane readied herself for the transfer. Maura had thoughtfully placed the board alongside the passenger seat so Jane could grab it straight out herself. Repeating the same process they had done on several occasions over the last few weeks, Maura stood right behind as Jane lifted, tugged and pulled herself into the seat. She had figured out a better way than the first time; dropping her nearest foot in before moving over was easier because her chair was higher than the car seat and reaching up to the handle inside the passenger door and hooking her wrist through gave her hips much better clearance and meant she lifted rather than shuffled into the seat. It all made for a quicker and less clumsy-looking transfer. Maura was really impressed by how fast Jane was getting at these things as she figured out a way of doing it for herself. Jane tugged her other leg in and settled it alongside the first, while Maura removed the rear wheels from the chair to stow behind Jane and walked around to the driver's side to put the frame of the chair behind her seat.

As they pulled out, the pair sat in silence. Maura was wondering what her partner was thinking but didn't ask. She sensed Jane was just processing everything that had happened and was feeling a little apprehensive about leaving rehab.

As they pulled up outside the house, Jane glanced at the new ramp. It was quite big and very noticeable. Maura parked very carefully so that Jane would be right at the start of it as she got out of the car. Allowing Jane to try out the ramp for herself was important so as soon as Maura had assembled the chair for her and ensured she was seated properly in it, she went to the trunk and started emptying bags. Jane had had plenty of practice with ramps in rehab. She was pretty good with shallow ones, not so good with very steep ones. Her poor finger dexterity meant that she couldn't really perform wheelies too well, so going down was a bit scary knowing she could pitch forwards at any time with such little control of her torso. Going up steep ramps was hard because she had to get a good grip with her thumbs and that still wasn't an exact science for her.

Maura, just left her to decide if she was going to tackle it alone and went to open the door, however as she approached, Angela appeared in the doorway. She received a grateful smile from the ME who didn't need to stop and put down the heavy bags. Taking them into the hallway, Maura set the bags down and beckoned Angela inside.

Jane's mother wanted to greet her daughter, but just called out to her instead and followed Maura. Angela had clearly been baking as the kitchen smelled delightful. In a conspiratorial whisper, Maura made it clear to Angela that they were to leave Jane to figure out for herself whether she needed help to get in the house. Angela nodded and waited just inside the doorway.

Jane thought she could make it on her own, but was also a little dubious because it was quite a long ramp, running almost the length of the house from back to front. She guessed that was so it could be as shallow as possible. Even so, it was longer that she was used to. She noticed that halfway the ramp flattened off a little before carrying on and she wondered why. Gritting her teeth, Jane decided to go for it; if worst came to worst, she would probably fall out of the chair having rolled backwards and be forced to shout out for some help. She forced her hands to push in on the rims of the wheels and rolled comfortably up the ramp to begin with. Gravity was a bummer though and the further she got, the more difficult gravity made it to keep moving. The problem with pushing uphill is that when you release the wheels to move your hands further back ready for the next push, if you aren't going forwards, gravity makes you go backwards. After six or seven pushes, her arms were tiring and she wasn't gaining quite so much ground with each. She made it to the flat spot in the centre but then had to pause. Now she understood why it had been designed that way. Putting the brake on so she didn't have to hold onto the wheels for a while, Jane shook out her arms and shoulders to release the tension. She wondered if she should carry on, but thought better of it for the first day.

"Mom? I know you're lurking around somewhere." Jane called out.

"Are you alright, Janie?" Angela peered round the door to see her daughter halfway up the ramp.

"Yeah but this is harder than it looks. Can I get a push the rest of the way, please?"

"Sure thing, honey." The reply earned her a second grateful smile in as many minutes.

Angela wasn't often invited to push Jane's chair, so she was a little nervous about it. Jane flicked off the brakes as her mother grabbed the handles but continued to roll the wheels as well, to make it as easy as possible for her mother.

"Thanks, Ma. I got it from here." Jane took over completely once she had reached the top of the ramp. Once again, there was a flat spot at the end, so she could pause comfortably to open the door if necessary and turn her chair into the house. Angela released her grip on the handles and let her daughter proceed into the hallway ahead of her.

Maura was busy putting Jane's meds away in a drawer when the dark-haired woman rolled in. "Everything okay?"

Jane nodded. She was looking around to see any changes in the house, but as yet there was little evidence. "Fine, I got halfway before I had to resort to Ma's help."

"That's a good start, honey."

"Thanks," she took the compliment well. "So, you wanna show me where everything is. I'm guessing you had to move some things around because of me."

"For you, not because of you," Maura corrected her. "I just put all your meds in here." She pointed to the drawer, knowing Jane's fingers would cope with the large handle on the front. "Shall I put all the bathroom supplies upstairs or do you want some down here as well?"

"Not sure," she shrugged. "I guess wherever the shower chair is."

"Upstairs. The nurse will be coming tomorrow so you can discuss the best place to put things with her. We have a new table," Maura pointed out.

Jane glanced towards the dining table and realised it was indeed new. She rolled across the wooden floor with ease and straight under the table. She noticed that a space had already been created for her, instead of six chairs, there were now only five.

"Is it okay?" Maura looked briefly worried at her lover's silence.

"It's great," Jane replied. "It's just …" she puffed the hair from her eyes as was her habit when she was frustrated, "everything having to be rearranged. I don't like that I've turned everyone's life upside down."

"Jane, it's just a table."

"It's not just a table though is it?"

"I thought you were okay with all of this," Maura was a little worried where she hadn't been shortly before.

"Being okay and being happy about it are not the same thing," Jane countered.

Maura moved out from the kitchen counter and walked up behind Jane. Wrapping her arms around the seated woman, Maura kissed the top of her head. "I know things are going to be hard for a while, but you just have to remember that everyone loves you and will support you no matter what."

Jane responded by placing her hands over Maura's. "I know, sorry for being selfish. I am very grateful for how much you've put up with in the last few months."

"You shouldn't be apologising for anything. You risked your life to protect other people, now it's our turn to look after you for a change. I know you don't like being taken care of, but it's only until you get to grips with everything and I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of everything you have achieved so far."

From some people, Jane would have taken the words with a hint of scepticism, but not from Maura. Maura was always sincere and truthful, so the words meant a lot.

Angela had just been organising some food and listened in to the conversation but didn't interfere. Maura's words were touching though and she found herself welling up with tears.

Jane turned her head a little too sharply at the sound of her mother blowing her nose. "Ow," she winced. "I keep forgetting my neck doesn't turn as far as it used to. Ma, are you crying?"

"Only because Maura said all those nice things. It made me all emotional."

Jane dropped her hands from Maura's and moved her chair backwards. "Come give me a hug, Ma. You have been a brick for me and I don't think I said thanks enough."

Angela put down her Kleenex and met Jane halfway. "Maura's not the only one who's proud of you, Janie. When they said that you might need help with everything for the rest of your life, I was so miserable for you, just thinking of how hard it was going to be for my strong, independent daughter to have to rely on everyone. But now look at you, you are getting around on your own and I'm sure you are just going to keep getting stronger and stronger until you get to take care of everyone else again." Angela wrapped her arms around her daughter and pulled her close. She felt Jane fall into her embrace.

"Thanks, Ma." Jane was a little choked up but wouldn't let herself cry, so she cleared her throat and pushed herself back into the chair properly. "Okay, sentimental time is over. I need to take a look around and get used to where everything is again."

"Come on, let's go take a look upstairs." Maura ushered Jane towards the staircase.

Angela smiled and went back to the food preparations for the small gathering that would take place later in the day.

"Maura, I said the stairlift would be fine." Jane put her hands on her hips and looked exasperated at the new elevator that had been installed.

"I know but this is easier for you and quicker." Maura looked pleased with herself. They had it positioned just right so that it went from the corner of the foyer to the landing above. "Go ahead and try it out. I'll go up the stairs."

Jane opened the door with the push button and found that inside another push button closed the doors and sent it up a floor. The door opened automatically when it reached the top and she rolled out backwards. Maura was waiting for her expectantly. Jane grumbled about the extra expense but secretly knew it would make life much easier for her in the long run.

"Come and look at the bedroom."

Jane followed Maura noticing the carpet had gone and was replaced by wooden flooring. Shaking her head at yet more changes, she turned into the bedroom they had shared up until the shooting. There had been no redecoration, but a new bed was definitely in place. Jane hadn't really known what to expect. The OT had suggested a hospital type bed, but Maura was determined they would sleep together, not apart. The result was an impressive orthopaedic bed with electronic controls on Jane's half that would make it easier for her to sit up and change position. Jane had to turn every few hours through the night to prevent pressure sores. Maura's half was just a regular mattress. The best thing though was that the bed was the same height from the floor as the seat of Jane's chair to make transferring easy. Jane smiled, relieved that at least they could lie next to eat other from now on.

The bathroom was impressive. It had been made into a wet room with space for the shower wheelchair that Jane needed. The controls were fitted with lever handles that she could turn easily on her own and there was space under the basin so she could roll right underneath to wash her hands. Maura showed her how the faucet and soap dispenser worked by waving a hand in front of a sensor. There were chrome handrails around the tub and toilet. It was beautifully decorated with slate tile on the floor and limestone tile on the walls and plenty of shelves for everything.

"I know you have issues with everything that goes on in here still so I wanted to make it special." Maura took hold of Jane's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"It's stunning. I can't believe the efforts you've taken to make it look so nice."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe I can." Jane allowed herself a small chuckle at the perfectionist tendencies Maura had. She squeezed Maura's hand back which elicited an emotional response from her.

"Oh Jane, I am so happy you can do that now." She looked down at Jane's hand and stroked it with her other one. "When you first came round in the ICU, I asked you to squeeze my hand and you tried but couldn't. Do you remember?"

"Not really. I was pretty confused. I remember being scared stupid though. I couldn't move anything for days. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have gotten so much back."

"Not lucky, Jane. Just strong."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It had been a great evening, but a long day for Jane. She had taken an hour's rest before her family and friends had arrived but that was all; the rest of the day she had been in the chair and now she was exhausted. As she rolled out of the elevator upstairs a little flutter of anxiety rose in her chest. She wondered what Maura was expecting from their first night back together in the same bed.

She had been to the 'sex-after-injury' talks in rehab, but that didn't make her feel any more confident about broaching the topic with Maura, plus she was probably going to need help just to get ready for bed anyway, which might just be a bit of a passion-killer in itself. But Jane wanted to be able to please her partner, especially after all the things Maura had done for her since she had been shot.

Entering the bedroom first, Jane listened out for Maura climbing the stairs. She was probably just locking up for the night but could also just be giving Jane the space she needed to find her own routine. She went to her closet and grabbed the loop Maura had tied to the handle so she could open it with ease; it was another thoughtful gesture. Jane had a good technique for getting off shoes and was able to lift each leg in turn and push the heel of her sneakers off with one hand. Where they landed was random chance, but they were at least in there instead of lying on the floor, which would just irritate Maura. She closed the door and pulled the T-shirt over her head but couldn't quite manage the sports bra. That was as far as she could get for now, so rolled across to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, which was easy with the thick rubber handle of the electric toothbrush she now used. Turning her chair to face the toilet, she lifted her left leg and tugged up the bottom of her sweat pants to reveal the plastic bag strapped to her skinny calf. She slid her leg from the opposite knee across onto the edge of the toilet seat until the bag was over the water. Carefully she used her thumb to push open the drain on the bottom of the bag and her pee drained away. When it was empty, she used her thumb again to pull the drain closed and lifted her leg back into the chair. She waved her hands under the soap dispenser and two pink spurts of liquid soap hit her palms. She waved one hand in front of the sensor for the faucet and ran her hands under the warm water before rubbing them together to get some lather. Finally she rinsed them off and then dried them on the chocolate brown towel hung in front of her.

Back in the bedroom, Maura had just entered the room and looked around for Jane. Hearing the faucet running, she went to the bathroom door and grinned at seeing Jane stripped to the waist. "Need a hand with anything?"

"Just my bra and sweat pants," Jane pointed down. "I am done in here." Moving towards the bed, Jane asked Maura if she could find her PJs.

"Long or short?"

"Short, please." Maura went to the bedside drawer and pulled out what Jane was after. She looked at her lover for further instructions. "If I lift up my hips, can you pull them down for me?" Maura nodded and did as Jane asked, pulling the sweat pants down to her knees. Once there, Jane sat back in the chair and let Maura remove them the rest of the way.

Maura gently lifted behind Jane's knee to slip the pants off one leg at a time. She then took the navy blue, cotton shorts and reversed the process until they were pulled up as far as mid-thigh. Jane once again, lifted herself up using her hands on the wheels so Maura could pull them up over the slender hips. Without being asked Maura pointed at the bra and Jane just nodded and lifter her arms so her partner could just whip it over her head. "Thanks, Maur. I got it from here."

Maura watched as Jane using her quirky little technique to put on the top. She put both arms into the sleeves of the white PJ top and then hooked her fingers into the back. In a single move, Jane lifted both arms up over her head and wriggled the top down over her shoulders, once it was there, she let go and brought one hand on the wheel to get some balance and used the other to hook the front and pull it down the rest of the way. She spent a minute smoothing it down her front and back, but Maura had gone to the bathroom satisfied that Jane no longer needed any more assistance.

Jane wondered about trying to get into the bed without the transfer board but decided against it because she was tired. 'Another day' she thought to herself. She lifted the covers back as far as she could. The board was leaning against the bedside drawers so she hooked it up and put it on the mattress. Remembering the remote control, she pushed the button which raised the back. Once she was happy with the angle, she used the board to slide over. Now she was sitting on the bed, Jane did her usual trick of hooking one knee to lift the first leg up. Then she would push her hips a little further on the bed, before finally hooking the other leg up. Having transferred several times a day for a number of weeks, Jane had sort of gotten used to the way her body felt, or didn't feel. She had tried to explain to Maura a few times what it was like and had struggled to find the right words. Intellectually, she knew her legs belonged to her body, but the lack of sensation made it feel weird to touch her own legs and feel like she was touching someone else's. Now she was on her side with her legs curled in front of her. She had to try and straighten out her legs and roll onto her back, which without many working muscles below her chest was pretty hard. She put her weight on one elbow and pushed with the other hand until she could get both arms straight. Now she was sitting, but twisted to the side. She swung one arm around so that her torso was forced to rotate with the momentum and that in turn carried her hips around, and finally her right leg lifted and fell away. It was a little like a domino effect, one movement led to another and another until she was sat straight with her legs bent at the knee and splayed apart. Not very ladylike, but she was balanced and in control. For everyone else, sitting on the bed took seconds, for her it took minutes, but like the doctor said, she was doing it independently.

Maura had been watching from the bathroom doorway as she brushed her teeth. Jane hadn't noticed she had an audience, but as she leaned forwards to straighten out her legs, she realised Maura was watching her. The look on Maura's face a few weeks ago when she had seen her transfer had been pained as though she had been uncomfortable with seeing just how little use of her body she had. But now the look was different, it was a look which conveyed warmth and pride.

Jane gave Maura a cute grin. "You are being voyeuristic you know."

"That's a long word for a police officer," Maura winked.

"Oh, fighting dirty now. I was an honour roll student I'll have you know. I could have gone to medical school."

Maura's face fell at that. If Jane had chosen another profession, she probably wouldn't be in this current situation. It was just a fleeting thought, but her keen-eyed partner noticed immediately that something was wrong.

"What, Maura?"

"Nothing," Maura turned away and rinsed away the toothpaste. She gathered herself and went back to talk to Jane. Sitting on her side of the bed, she had a painted on smile as she turned to face Jane.

"What was that? We were just joking and the next thing I know you look like you're about to start crying." The dark-haired woman was not about to let it drop and Maura's face turned serious again.

"It was what you said," Maura's voice dropped. "About going to medical school. It made think that if you had, you wouldn't have been shot." She looked down.

"And if I hadn't been shot, I wouldn't be paralysed." Jane finished Maura's thoughts.

Maura realised Jane might misunderstand her thoughts as being selfish, as though she was unhappy being with someone who now had a disability. "I just felt bad for you for a moment, or bad that this was happening to you."

"But it's not just me, is it? This is happening to everyone around me and most of all you. You're the one who's had to pick up the pieces."

"Don't feel sorry for me, you're the one who's having to re-learn everything. I just want to help you get better any way I can."

"Maura, look at me," Jane nodded her head towards her lower body. "I'm broken and I don't think I can be fixed."

Maura followed her gaze down the slim torso to Jane's legs, both now very skinny and one with a urine collection bag attached to it, the limp ankles and feet, which had shown no signs of movement at all since the shooting.

"I know this is hard for us, but I also know that even if this had been worse like the doctor said, I would still be here. I don't know what I would do without you. You're in my heart and though I wish you weren't having to go through this, I still love you unconditionally." Maura slid over to Jane's side and wrapped an arm across her ribs to pull her close. "I'm sorry if I upset you. I don't think of you as broken, I want you to know that."

She felt Jane's arm loop around her and the circling of fingers dancing across the small of her back. "Thank you. I love you too, with everything I have."

They lay in each other's arms for quite a while, just enjoying lying next to each other again without the risk of someone walking in on them. They hadn't been able to relax together like this in the rehab centre. Eventually though Jane could feel her eyelids getting heavy and knew she wasn't going to be able to stay awake much longer.

"Maura, I think I am about to drop off. Can I get some help with my legs?"

Maura gave her a final squeeze and rolled away to fetch the large foam pad that had to go between Jane's knees. They were so bony that it could cause a pressure sore if she lay with one on top of the other for too long. Maura returned and asked Jane which side she wanted to sleep on for the first half of the night.

"I'll start on my right, then when I need to turn, if I need a hand, you can literally just pull me towards you." Maura let Jane roll onto her right side and then carefully arranged Jane's legs and the large pad between them. When she had done, she ran her hand down Jane's back looking for creases in her clothes and smoothed one or two out so she wouldn't be lying on them all night. Finally she asked Jane what time she wanted to turn.

Jane's face gave a pained look when she said "three a.m."

Maura gave her arm a squeeze and then went to set her alarm for three.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The following morning, Maura rose early. She had only been sleeping lightly since they had woken in the early hours so Jane could turn over. It hadn't been a big deal, much to Maura's relief. Within a couple of minutes, they were both comfortable again. She slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. It was six o'clock, Jane was still sleeping soundly and the nurse wasn't due for another hour. Maura wanted to give Jane her privacy and intended to be out of the bathroom by the time she arrived.

She showered with expensive English toiletries and dried off quickly. Putting on her bathrobe, she went back into the bedroom and sat up in bed towelling off her hair while watching Jane breathe quietly. Some of her dark curls had fallen across her face, so Maura reached across and brushed them back gently. Jane slept on for a few minutes longer and then stirred a little.

"Morning," Maura breathed softly as two dark eyes flickered open in front of her.

"Hey," Jane croaked. Her voice was always husky in the mornings

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah, surprisingly. You?"

"I was up early, but I enjoyed having you back in my bed again. It was so lonely without you all this time." Maura again stroked hair back from Jane's face as a smile appeared on her lover's face.

"I missed sleeping beside you as well," Jane moved her arms out from under the sheets. She stretched her fingers out before attempting to move.

"Can I help?" Maura asked, not wanting to impose.

"Yeah," Jane propped herself up on one elbow. "If you could pull back the sheets and get rid of the pad for me that would be great."

Maura did as she was asked. She was careful in straightening out Jane's legs, watching for any signs of bruises or red marks. Fortunately there were none.

"Do they look okay?" Jane knew Maura was checking her over.

"They look better than okay," Maura replied.

"Give me a break, look at the size of them," Jane rolled her eyes.

"Your bag needs emptying though," Maura added. "I don't know it will wait until the nurse gets here.

Jane pushed herself upright, not bothering to use the remote to raise the bed. She leaned forwards on her hands so she could see how full the bag was for herself. Rubbing her eyes with one hand, she nodded in agreement. Taking her right hand and pushing at the back of her right knee, she pushed her lower leg off the side of the bed, then swapping her weight onto her right hand she used the left to shove the left leg as far as she could. A minor adjustment of her hips by lifting on both hands and a second shove of the left leg had her sat on the edge of the bed.

Maura didn't wait to be asked for help and handed the transfer board to Jane. The chair was exactly where it had been parked the night before, so it took Jane no time to slip across and pull her legs in behind her. Maura went to get dressed while Jane went to empty the bag. She wasn't slow to perform the now mundane task, but Maura was fully clothed by the time she returned. It was almost seven so Maura asked Jane if she wanted breakfast before or after the nurse had been.

"After."

"Then I'll go wait downstairs for her. Shall I bring her up when she gets here?"

"I'm not going to just sit up here and wait; I'll come down." Jane didn't bother to put anything on her feet, she just rolled out to the elevator and descended.

Maura prepared breakfast but held off starting the coffee machine. Jane went to the fridge and pulled out her water bottle. It was just before seven when they heard a knock on the door.

Maura went to open the door and invited in the nurse. Jane was gulping some water and watched as her partner led the woman in. They had used an agency, so hadn't met her before. The woman peered around the kitchen and smiled pleasantly when she made eye contact with Jane. Dropping her water bottle in her lap, Jane rolled forwards to shake her hand.

As the pair glanced each other over, Jane noticed the woman was a little older than herself, maybe by ten years or so, in her forties. She looked strong but was of average height and build with shortish, blonde curly hair.

As was her habit when meeting anyone new since her injury, Jane apologised for her poor handshake, before introducing herself. "Jane Rizzoli, nice to meet you."

"Mary Burke, it's nice to meet you as well." Mary looked at Jane as though she was familiar, then it clicked. "Oh my gosh, you're the police officer who was in the news a while back."

Jane smiled and nodded, if a little sadly at the reminder. "Guilty," she chuckled.

"Well, I've never helped out a hero before, so I'm honoured to meet you."

"Thanks, I guess," Jane was a little embarrassed. "Shall we get started?"

"Of course, lead the way."

Maura watched on but didn't interfere at all. She knew Jane would want as little fuss as possible.

Jane went back up in the elevator while Mary took the stairs and then showed her into the bedroom.

"So, I'm going to make a list of things for each day I'll be here. You just need to direct me with what needs doing and how much help you need."

"Okay," Jane looked a little uncertain. "Sorry, this is all still a bit new for me so if I miss stuff out, you might need to ask me."

"It's fine, we'll get there. Tell me about your injury."

"Incomplete C6/7 quad, thirteen weeks post injury. I have full use of my arms and wrists, but my fingers will only bend, not straighten. I have good sensation in my arms and shoulders, but not much below my armpits. I have pretty good balance and core for my injury level but no control or sensation at all in my hips and legs."

"Any problems with pressure sores?"

"No, apparently my circulation is pretty good. I have meds for it though."

"Can you stand at all?"

"No," Jane shook her head. "I'm hoping things will improve as I get stronger, but for now…" Jane left the sentence unfinished.

"You have an indwelling catheter I see," Mary nodded at the bag.

"I can empty it myself, but I was hoping I might be able to learn how to use intermittent ones."

"It's a possibility, but it will be hard work. We'll see how we go for a while and think about it when you are a little more comfortable in your routines. When was that one put in?"

"Yesterday morning before I left rehab."

"Good, I'll change it Friday as planned. So I guess you would like to take a shower this morning and take care of anything else afterwards."

"I need to do the bowel thing first," Jane definitely flushed red at that, perhaps the most embarrassing of all the issues caused by her injury.

"Okay, that's no problem. Let's get you started."

Jane showed Mary the bathroom and she looked pleased at how it was set up. After a brief bit of awkwardness, Jane removed her top and Mary pulled off her shorts. The shower chair was brought out for a quick transfer and Mary complimented Jane on how smooth she had made it look. To give her some warmth, Mary draped a large towel over her and then let Jane wheel herself into the bathroom.

It was just over an hour later when Jane descended in the elevator, she was showered, dried and dressed in the familiar T-shirt and sweatpants. Her hair was still damp and swept back into a loose ponytail. Mary followed her into the kitchen where Maura was waiting. "Ready for breakfast?"

"Yeah," Jane responded with a smile. "Mary, you want to join us?"

"I already ate, but I'll take some of that coffee you have on the go. Smells great. When you've eaten, we'll get you on the exercise mat and give you a good stretch before I go."

The three women made small-talk for the duration of breakfast. Mary was keen to watch Jane's level of function as she ate and was impressed by the amount of dexterity she had in her hands, especially being able to grip her water bottle in one hand. It didn't take long for the brief meal to be finished as Jane was keen to get on with the exercise.

"Maura, can you join us for this? It would be good for you to see what needs to be done and then you can give Jane a hand with it on the days I'm not here. They should be done at least once a day if possible."

"Of course," Maura cleared the table quickly and followed them into the den.

"Jane, how are you at getting down to the floor from your chair and back?" Mary asked as they entered the room that had been set aside for exercise.

The tall woman shrugged and sighed. "Not great unless you count falling out, I can be pretty good at that."

Mary laughed at the self-deprecating wit. "Not a problem, it's something I would ask your PT to prioritise though. It's important if you want to get rid of the babysitters like me." She had Jane stop alongside the thick gym mat in the centre of the room. Directing Maura to lift behind Jane's knees, Mary threaded her arms under Jane's from behind and took hold of the slender forearms. On a count of three, they lifted Jane to the side and sat her on the mat.

Jane looked a little irritated at having to be lifted but shook it off as the exercises began. Mary had her stretch her neck as much as the surgical implant would allow, followed by her arms, shoulders and hands. All this was done while she was sitting to improve her core muscle control as well. Mary was a pretty good task-master and kept telling Jane to sit straighter each time her shoulders started to hunch a little. "It's important to avoid slumping when you sit, I know you don't have much use of your abdominal muscles, but some of them are working and you need to get them into as good shape as possible or your posture will suffer in future years."

Jane sighed again; the thought of still having to deal with paralysis beyond the immediate future was not a pleasant prospect.

Maura recognised the mood shift immediately. "Hey, honey. I can see you controlling your hips from behind. I think that's the first time I have seen that."

Jane's head turned as far as possible to meet her lover's gaze, but the turn also made her lose her balance and her hands instinctively went to the floor to stop her falling back; she was tiring.

Dropping onto her elbows and then lying flat, Mary got on with the passive stretches whilst Maura wrote down a list of all the things they had to do and after demonstrating them a few times, the ME was asked to take over to check she was doing them correctly. Maura had helped stretch Jane out throughout her time in hospital and rehab so she already knew how to do most of them, but even so, Mary's watchful eye picked up areas for improvement.

Jane kept her eyes on what was going on but feigned disinterest by tucking her arms behind her head whilst they worked on her legs. Secretly though she was desperately trying to move them each time. Her lower body felt especially heavy as though she had a giant lead weight attached to her chest. Mary was watching Maura lift Jane's right leg at the calf and press her bent knee towards her stomach. Jane meanwhile was trying to pull her knee along. Mary told Maura to continue but put her hand on Jane's lower abdomen.

"Jane, are you trying to lift your knee?"

The prone woman groaned and blushed a little. "I can't resist trying."

"Good, keep going, I think you have some muscle function here."

Jane perked right up. "I do?"

"Yes, I'm guessing you can't feel it, but there's definitely a little something kicking in."

"Hah!" Jane pulled her arms out from behind her head and pumped her fists. "Come on!"

"Let's try the left again." Maura switched sides and repeated the same movement with Mary's hand once again resting just above Jane's left hip. She couldn't feel anything the first few times. "Do you mind if I just expose your skin briefly?"

Jane shook her head.

"Try again," Mary looked serious and moved her hand around a little each time trying to detect a hint of Jane's muscles doing any work. Eventually she had Maura stop. "Nothing on the left side, I'm afraid."

Jane shrugged. "It's the weaker side, always seems to be behind the right."

"This is good though. You need to let your PT know, it's something to work on."

"I will when I see him tomorrow."

Mary pulled Jane's T-shirt down and she and Maura lifted Jane back into the chair. "How tall are you Jane?"

"Well I used to be five-eight, but now I'm more like four-foot-six." She quirked her eyebrow as always when she was being cute.

Mar smiled at her humour. "Funny. I just asked because this chair is quite a bit wider and longer than you need. I would like to see you have more support around your lower back as well."

"It's okay, this is just a loaner. I have a new one coming next week," she looked away from the gaze of the two other women.

"Okay, well I'll see you in a couple of days. It was great to meet you both." With that she was gone.

"She's nice," Maura commented after closing the door behind Mary.

"I guess," Jane replied. "Thanks for taking the week off to be here for me."

"It's fine, I still have some vacation time left. Listen, I don't want to nag or anything but there's quite a lot of paperwork to fill in this week. I wondered if you would like some help with it?"

Jane folded her arms and looked out of the window. "An hour at the most, then I want to practice the ramp again."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

One week later, Jane was back at Spaulding for her outpatient rehab session. Angela had taken her as Maura was giving evidence in court that day. As the nurse had suggested, Jane's PT had worked on her getting in and out of her chair from the floor. It had been slow going and the frustration had been evident on her face throughout. With gravity helping, getting out wasn't too difficult, Jane just needed to control her descent. The PT had asked a mentor called Scott to come along and give Jane some help as he had the same level of injury. Scott also had the advantage of longer arms and several years of practice. However, with a set of knee and elbow pads to protect her, Jane had managed to copy his method until she was sat cross-legged on the floor without causing any damage. Getting back in was more problematic. Jane's triceps weren't as strong as she needed to make a comfortable lift back into the chair the same way she got down. That said, with just a little help from her therapist, who pulled the waist of her sweats to clear the seat of her chair, she at least knew the technique. Angela kept a steady conversation going throughout the session which at least proved a distraction for her daughter. "Janie, we can practice this at home each day until you can do it on your own." She commented after the session ended.

Unknown to anyone else, Maura who had finished in court a short while before had snuck in the back of the room, along with Frankie. "I think that's a great idea," she called out, having just watch Jane almost make it back into the chair on her own.

"Maur, I thought you were working all day?" Jane's face lit up when she saw her partner and brother.

"I finished up half an hour ago and wanted to be here, so I got Frankie to blue light me over from the courthouse." Maura gave her a grin.

Having finished the session, the PT left briefly and then returned, followed by the OT who was pushing Jane's new wheelchair.

"I didn't want to miss you get your own chair at last," Maura added.

"Frankie should know better than to abuse the blue lights." Jane mumbled.

Secretly, she was looking forward to having her own chair rather than the oversized one she was currently using. As the OT brought it to a stop alongside her, she took in the differences. Hers had a much more compact frame so it would turn in a much smaller circle. The frame was dark silver titanium, but the castors were housed in red forks and the frame under the rear seat was also red. The upholstery was black as was the strap which sat behind her calves to keep her feet in place. The rear wheels had red spokes and black tires, with special push rims that meant there was no gap between the tires and rim where she could easily trap a finger with her level of injury. Finally she had a backrest which curved around the hips slightly to give her a little more lateral support and making it less easy to tip sideways if she overreached. There were two push handles at the back, but at Jane's insistence, they folded flat for when they weren't needed. She didn't want anyone thinking she needed pushing around all the time.

A transfer board was produced, but Jane was feeling buoyed and refused it for the first time. "I'm going to try without."

The OT hovered behind her just in case and looked more nervous that Jane.

Dropping the nearest leg off the footrest, Jane reached over and took hold of the frame. Pushing through her shoulders, she slid halfway so that she had half her butt in the new chair. A brief pause and she pushed again going the rest of the way. Pulling her legs into the frame, Jane immediately felt the difference in how she was sitting, even though she couldn't actually feel the seat itself. "I feel taller," she fidgeted with her legs a little more, tucking them right back into the frame."

"This chair is much better for your posture, it's making you sit up and preventing your lower back from curling in, so you should slouch less." The OT explained. "You're sat higher up as well because of the frame design and your feet at more tucked in which means you can turn quicker. It also means you can tip out easier so be careful until you get used to it."

Jane moved the chair around a little. "I love these rims, they're really grippy."

"That's not actually a word, Jane." Maura teased.

Jane gave her a quirked eyebrow. "Really Maura, that's all you have to say?"

"No I was going to add that it looks much cooler that the other one."

Scott was still in the room and invited Jane to take a lap of the floor with him. "Come on, let's go for a quick ride and leave the bipeds to make small-talk.

"Jane, no racing!" Angela saw the look on her daughter's face as they left to room together.

Maura talked to Jane's physical therapist briefly about her progress, so Frankie sat next to his mother who was looking at the empty wheelchair and had gone very quiet.

"What's up Ma?"

"I'm fine Frankie." She reached in her purse and took out a tissue. "I was hoping when I saw that chair empty it would be because Janie was walking again."

"Ma, come on. Be happy for her, she's doing great. You better stop snivelling before she gets back or she's going to get mad."

"Don't you go telling me what to do. What were you thinking anyway, bringing Maura here with blue lights."

"Give me a break, Ma. It was an emergency!" Frankie gesticulated.

Two months later

The list of Jane's accomplishments since she had been released from rehab had grown steadily to the point she was struggling to think of things to add. The items ticked off her spidery, hand-written list that was attached to the noticeboard in the kitchen were: put on pants; get in and out of chair from floor; go up and down ramp; do sit-ups; get licence; get chair in car (unaided); drive car; wheelies; take Maura dancing; play wheelchair rugby; self-catheterisation; rubber gloves – aaaarrgghh! The outstanding items were: ride handbike; tie shoelaces; go back to work; shoot gun (at police range!); walk; run; jump; cartwheel; kick a perp's ass.

The next item on her agenda wasn't on the list though. She was sat on the bed pulling on her pants. She had the technique down now; wriggle them as far up her legs as they would go, then grab the waist, lie back and slide herself into them. It was remarkably effective, except with jeans. They required a bit more tugging and pulling. Maura had fastened little loops on all her zippers so she could hook her thumb through to pull them up and she had a little gadget which the OT had found for her to hook fasteners and buttons together. She smoothed her shirt into the waistband and then fastened them up. Raising herself back into a sitting position, she lifted her left foot across her right knee and put on the navy blue sock. The right foot was similarly dressed afterwards. Next she slid from the bed to her wheelchair and put on her shoes. Laces were a bit of an issue, but Maura would do them before they left, so she left them untied for the time being. At that point, she left her dressing and gave her partner a shout.

Maura hurried up the stairs and gave Jane a big smile.

"I need a hand with this," Jane waved a tie towards her.

Maura closed the gap between them and took the tie. "I remember doing this for my father when I was a girl." She took the tie and placed it under the collar of Jane's shirt, then she stepped behind her chair and looped it through in the familiar way and tightened it before folding the collar back down.

"Can you put my badge on for me as well please?"

Maura lifted the brass name badge and fastened it above the shirt pocket. "Hair up?"

"I guess," Jane nodded.

Maura retrieved the hair brush and flicked it through Jane's dark mane before fastening it back in a loose ponytail. "Where's your cap?"

"Closet shelf, I can't reach it."

Maura opened the doors and looked up to the shelf above the clothes that hung from the railing. She reached up for the box where it was kept and removed it. She brushed an imaginary speck of dust from it and then handed it over to Jane, who dropped it in her lap. Looking down, Maura frowned briefly.

"What?"

"Shoelaces," Maura sat on the bed and allowed Jane to roll closer. She took her left foot into her lap and tied the lace, checking it wasn't too tight.

"Maybe I should ask if you can get police issue boots with Velcro," Jane smirked.

"Behave yourself," Maura playfully tapped her on the knee.

"Ouch," Jane countered with a hint of sarcasm.

Maura shook her head and lifted the other foot to repeat her action, this time loosening off the laces a little because she thought Jane had pulled it a bit tight and not felt it. "You'll cut off the circulation to your feet if you pull them this tight," she grumbled.

Jane just shrugged and dropped her foot back down when Maura had finished.

"Which jacket do you want? It's pretty cold out."

Jane wrinkled her nose in thought. "I'll take the down parka, it might snow today, you think?"

"Gloves?"

"Oops, no idea where the dress ones are. Maura, forget them, they'll just get ruined by the wheels."

"You can't be dressed improperly, what will the Chief think?"

"You think he's going to notice the lack of gloves when I'm sat in a wheelchair?"

"I'll find them," Maura the perfectionist kicked into high gear. Back in the closet, she hunted until she found them in a drawer. "Okay, ready to go?"

"Your car or mine?"

"I don't mind driving, that way you can have a drink later."

"I wonder if you can be arrested for driving a wheelchair under the influence," Jane smirked again.

"Enough quadriplegic humour, let's get going. I'll drive!"

"Ladies and gentlemen our next recipients are commended for exceptional courage and self-sacrifice under fire in order to protect members of the public. Following surveillance of a murder suspect five months ago, Detectives Barry Frost and Jane Rizzoli gave chase after the suspect ran from arresting officers. The suspect used a firearm to shoot indiscriminately at both Police and members of the public. Putting themselves between the suspect and innocent civilians, both came under fire and Detective Rizzoli was seriously injured as a consequence. Detective Frost was able to shoot the suspect in order to save the lives of all those at the scene. Both officers are commended for courage under fire in the most dangerous of circumstances. In particular I would like to mention that this is the second time Detective Rizzoli has received this award." The Chief turned to Barry and Jane. "Detective Frost," he called. Barry gave Jane's shoulder a squeeze as he stepped forwards to receive the medal from his superior.

"Detective Rizzoli," he called her forwards and Jane flushed a little with embarrassment. She rolled forwards and stopped in front of him. The one thing she wanted to get right was the salute and though her fingers didn't quite snap straight, they weren't far off. The medal went round her neck and was followed by a handshake from the Chief. This time, her hand opened and closed around his and she gripped as best she could as he pumped her arm several times.

"Thank you for your bravery Rizzoli, again." He looked more than a little emotional himself. "You are the finest of officers."

"Thank you, Sir," Jane managed a weak smile in reply.

The audience broke into a huge round of applause for the two detectives who posed for the press and Police photographers. Jane was less self-conscious about the chair than at any other time since she had been injured, but the circumstances were such that she was aware of how short she felt in comparison to everyone else in the room.

The Chief waited for the official photos and then announced as Barry and Jane went back to their positions, "For obvious reasons Detective Rizzoli has been unable to return to work since she was injured, however her commanding officer, Lt Cavanaugh informed me earlier that she will in fact be returning to her precinct next week. The Police Department extends its congratulations to Detective Rizzoli for her recovery and willingness to continue to serve the public of Boston."

Yet another round of applause broke out to which Barry turned to his work partner. "How much _are_ you hating this right now?"

"If I could, I would run and jump out the window to get away from the embarrassment," she whispered back.

Following the end of official proceedings, all the recipients of awards were asked for a brief interview by the local news media people. Of all the recipients, the one they were most desperate to talk to was Jane.

"Officer Rizzoli, you must be feeling very proud today," a female reporter had a microphone extended down towards Jane's face.

"I'm very grateful to the Department for my award," she replied diplomatically.

"Obviously you received serious injuries at the time of the shooting. Are you hoping to return to active duty eventually?"

"I'm just glad to be going back to work," Jane kept her answer very non-specific.

Jane managed to evade any more questions from that particular reporter, but was caught out by another who had obviously reported about her shooting five months ago.

"Detective Rizzoli, I covered your shooting back in the summer, and at the time we were told by doctors that you had been paralysed from the chest down. Obviously your condition has improved a great deal, how optimistic are you that you will be able to walk again in the future?"

There wasn't much avoiding that one in the same way.

"Firstly can I just say a big thank you to the medical staff at Mass General and Spaulding Rehab for saving my life and getting me this far. Unfortunately, I've had to come to terms with the realisation that my injury has left me unable to walk for the foreseeable future, but I continue to work hard at recovering as much function as possible."

"We wish you well in your return to work." The reporter moved on to Frost.

Maura sensed Jane had had enough questions and stepped in behind her. "Your Mom wants us to take a family photo," she whispered discreetly in Jane's ear.

"Never thought I'd be relieved to hear that."

The Rizzoli's made up of Jane, Frankie, Tommy and Tommy Jr, who sat on his Aunt Jane's knee, plus Maura and Barry had their photo taken by Lt Cavanaugh who returned the camera to Maura before turning back to Jane.

"Congratulations Jane, ready for next week?"

"Why'd you have to tell the Chief? I'll be lucky if the damn reporters aren't waiting outside the door for me now."

He chuckled. "I always thought you'd enjoy being the centre of attention."

She rolled her eyes. "I just want to come back to work discreetly, no fuss. It was bad enough having to take the dumb medical last week. Do you know what the idiot asked me?" Jane's eyes widened in disbelief.

Cavanaugh shook his head knowing it must have been ridiculous.

"How did I plan to exit the station in the event of an emergency," she raised her hands in frustration. "I told him it was fine because I had a jet pack strapped under my seat and I could just hit the red button and fly out the window! He was so dumb he almost believed me until I couldn't keep my face straight."

Cavanaugh's laugh rang out and Jane joined in, unable to contain her bemusement at those in beaurocracy.

In a well-rehearsed routine, Jane reached across her lap and pulled the frame of her chair across in front of her and deposited it alongside the car door. She twisted slightly in her seat so she could reach behind her for the wheels. She put the left on first and spun the frame back around to put the right on afterwards. Carefully making sure the brakes were on, she threw the cushion into the seat and lifted her left leg out of the car and onto the ground. Reaching above her head with her right hand, she grabbed the handle and pushing on the wheelchair seat with her left, she lifted her hips from the car to the chair in a smooth manoeuvre. Pulling her left leg across and into position, she then pulled the right leg from the car and deposited it next to the left. Taking a minute to calm her nerves and flick her hair back, Jane adjusted herself so she was sitting correctly. Taking her bag from the footwell, she deposited it in her lap and then rolled back to close the doors.

A wary glance behind her told her the coast was clear; no one was looking or entering the building at that particular moment. She pressed the button on the remote and dropped the keys into her bag and rolled around to the sidewalk. There was a smooth transition between the accessible parking space with her name on it and the stairs. The building was old and so the ramp was added as an afterthought, but at least there was one. She went past the stairs and then doubled back to go up the ramp that had been tacked on to the opposite side. It was a little steep but she was well practiced now in using the handrail for extra pull if the pushing got too hard. She was halfway up the ramp and making steady progress when she heard a shout from behind her.

"Vanilla! You're back," a gruff but familiar voice called out to her.

Jane stopped in her tracks and let her chair roll a quarter turn back, flicking on the brake so she didn't roll all the way back down.

"Rondo, you almost scared the crap out of me!"

"How are you doin?"

"I'm good thanks. Have you been keeping out of mischief while I've been away?"

"Well I'm not going to lie to you, Korsak has been keeping busy in your absence, but I saw the news on the TV last week so I was watching out for you."

Rondo made his way up the ramp to her and just when she thought he was going to grab her chair and start pushing, he gave her a big hug instead. Slightly emotional for a moment, he just held on then let go and turned away. "I'll see you around, Vanilla."

"Thanks Rondo," Jane shook her head a little bemused by the informant's actions.

Making her way into the foyer, Jane wondered if Maura was already hard at work downstairs. She had insisted she was going to make her own way there the first day at least. It had taken Maura an hour less to get ready so she had gone on ahead. She suspected that she might get a concerned visit at some point that morning from her partner.

"Janie," she heard her mother's voice call from the coffee shop. "Are you excited for your first day back?"

"Hey Ma," Jane acknowledged the older woman, but didn't stop to chat. She rolled straight to the elevator and up to her office on the floor above. It was suspiciously quiet with no one obviously around. She looked through the door to see empty desks, although computer screens were on. She guessed there must be a briefing going on, so checked the meeting room, but that was also empty. Finally she made her way to Cavanaugh's office and knocked.

"Come on in."

Jane opened the door, which proved a little awkward, but she eventually got the smooth handle turned. Cavanaugh had the phone to his ear, but waved her forward. It looked like he was on hold. "Just a second," he put his hand over the receiver and spoke quietly. I'll just be a minute, okay?"

Jane nodded and waited for him to finish which he did about thirty seconds later. He seemed to be on the phone to Korsak, something about a report missing. Putting the phone down, Cavanaugh came around his desk so Jane needn't reach too far forwards to shake his hand.

"Welcome back, Detective Rizzoli. You have no idea how long I have been waiting to say that to you."

"I'd take a guess at a little over five months, Sir."

"Funny, Jane. Perhaps I should counter with, why don't you take a seat?"

"Good one Lieutenant, I hadn't thought of that one before," she grinned at him. "If everyone treats me like this, today is going to be fine. You did send them a memo telling them not to be nice to me, right?"

"Well I told them, but its not a breach of contract if they are." Cavanaugh went back behind his desk and opened a drawer, reaching inside he pulled out a badge. "Here, put this back on. We put it on a lanyard so you can wear it round your neck, I figured it would be uncomfortable to clip it to your waist now."

"Thanks," she recognised he was being sincere so didn't reply with sarcasm about not feeling a thing. Hanging the badge around her neck, she looked down at it. It looked a little shinier than she remembered.

"Sorry there's no gun to go with it."

"It's fine, I wouldn't trust my hands to be able to fire it in a straight line anyway."

"You're going to be okay, Rizzoli, you know that right."

"Yeah I know, I just need to get through today."

"Go see Korsak, he has cases for you."

"Thanks, for everything I mean, not just today, but all the support. I appreciate it a lot. No wisecracks this time."

"Get out of here, before you have a grown man in tears again."

She turned her chair and went out, but as she did there was a huge cheer from the entire floor who were all waiting for her to come back out. Jane saw Cavanaugh follow her out and gave him an annoyed look, but he just smiled back at her. Korsak and Frost were waiting with a hug right outside and for the next half an hour, not a lot of work got done as the other squad members and the various support staff spent a little time chatting to Jane at her desk. When the fuss had died down, Frost put in a sneaky phone call for Maura to come up.

The ME didn't waste much time riding up in the elevator and finding the detective at her desk. "I told them you wouldn't want a fuss, but I guess they didn't take any notice." She spoke in a low voice, sitting next to Jane.

"Was it you who tipped them off?"

Shaking her head Maura replied. "My money is on Angela, she phoned me to say you were in the building."

"I think she was on the phone to Cavanaugh when I went into his office too." Jane put an elbow on the desk and rested her chin in her hand.

"What are you working on?"

"Korsak has given me a couple of cold cases they're struggling with. I remember them, so it's a good place to start. I'm just going to take a look over the files now."

"I made lunch for the both of us so join me downstairs when you're ready to eat."

"Please tell me lunch is in the good fridge not the one with the nasty stuff in it."

Maura's face broke into a smile. "I'll see you when you get hungry." And with that Maura went back to work herself.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Getting in and out of the racing chair was a nightmare, she'd had Frankie and a volunteer help her the first day, which had made it easy but then the first time she attempted to get in on her own, she had fallen (the chair had tipped back and dumped her on the floor behind) and the second she actually hurt her wrist and began to wonder if the effort to get in it was worth it. That said, as always, Jane persevered and eventually managed to get in, but she couldn't honestly describe it as easy. She had tried a few ways and again got all jealous of the paraplegics who could wiggle their hips past the narrow fenders. She had to sort of drop her legs in sideways and drag herself over the top, hoping that she wasn't twisting something she couldn't feel. Getting out was more hazardous and if help was at hand she took it, because she kept ending up stuck between the two seats with both hands occupied and nothing else moving of its own accord. Sometimes you just had to accept your limitations or be prepared to fall on your ass.

It had taken a few weeks of her Saturday morning adaptive sports classes at Spaulding to get the hang of using it effectively, but once she had, Jane was flying. The racing chair was designed so that her knees were tucked up into her chest and that meant she could throw all her force behind pushing the wheels, unlike her regular chair where she always had to be conscious of her precarious trunk muscles giving out. Once she was comfortable with it, she took the chair home and stashed it in the garage. The following morning, she got up early and after a bit of a struggle, she woke Maura with a poke in the ribs.

"Whatsamatter?" Maura sat bolt upright assuming Jane was in trouble.

"Nothing, get your kit on, we're going running."

Maura thought Jane was hallucinating or something equally bizarre. "Jane, honey, what are you talking about?"

"Get your kit on," Jane repeated, throwing Maura's Lycra running suit at her.

It was then that Maura realised Jane was sitting in her chair and wearing hers as well. "What's going on?" she eyed her suspiciously.

"I told you, we're going for a run." Jane was met with Maura's ridiculous expression. "I'm not on drugs, obviously I'm not expecting to be on my feet," she pointed down to indicate she was just wearing socks and no shoes. "I have a surprise for you downstairs. Hurry up and get dressed, I'll see you in the garage."

With that Jane spun around and rolled out of the bedroom, leaving a very confused Maura scampering out of bed to catch up.

By the time Maura had dressed and found her running shoes in the bottom of the closet; they had gone largely unused for the last six months on account of her feeling guilty that Jane could no longer run with her, Jane was already in the racing chair and putting on her gloves. It was cold but thankfully dry outside and apart from her breath being visible in the air, she felt good. With the gloves on, she fiddled with her helmet to get the strap under her chin right and began stretching her arms and back. Her legs were neatly tucked in place and she had thick socks on her feet; even if she couldn't feel them, she wanted them to keep warm.

Maura eventually shut the door and called out her name.

"Where are you?"

"Garage," Jane answered.

"What are you …" Maura appeared and then stopped talking as she finally saw what Jane was doing. A slow smile spread across her lips. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise," the detective replied nonchalantly. "Shall we get going? I promise to take it easy on you, I know you haven't been running in a while and I've been practicing."

Maura stood with her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "I am perfectly fit thank you; I have been at yoga each week since you got out of rehab."

"Relax Maura, I'm just kidding." Jane rolled her eyes and sighed. "You don't need to take everything so literally."

On the flat and straight Jane had to reign in the speed so Maura could keep up, but at junctions and crossing, roles were reversed. They decided to cross the Charles and run along Cambridgeside as far as Harvard Bridge. On the way back they followed the Charles River Esplanade which was ideal as there were hardly any road crossings until the end.

It took them well over an hour to get back and both were exhausted, especially as the last bit was uphill.

"Why do we live at the top of a hill again?" Jane gasped as she tried to shake the burning out of her arms.

"For the life of me, I can't remember," Maura just squeezed the words out. She stood briefly for a couple of minutes in silence until she was in control again.

"I don't think I can actually get out," Jane's hands were visibly shaking as she removed her gloves and slipped the chin strap off before dropping the helmet on a shelf. "I mean I can barely get out of it at the best of times."

"Call 911," Maura replied dropping into Jane's regular wheelchair. "I need Oxygen."

"What did we just do?" Jane shook her head as she reached behind her back for the loops on the Velcro straps that held her hips in place.

"About eight miles," Maura replied. "My chest is burning, I think I might be having a myocardial infarction."

"You should probably see a doctor about that," Jane croaked as she laughed, her voice more hoarse than normal.

"What can I do to help?" Maura stood and brought Jane's chair as close as possible.

"Turn it ninety degrees and put the brakes on for me. This isn't going to be pretty and don't freak out on me if I fall."

Maura nodded and did as she was asked. Jane pushed down on the fenders, which also formed part of the frame of the racing chair. She lifted her hips enough to get them on the side. Reaching across with her near hand she literally threw her body at her regular chair and fell into it. Recognising Jane's arms were wrecked, Maura who had been holding onto both chairs to keep them steady, let go and pulled Jane's knees towards her and away from the bucket of the racing chair. The limp appendages slipped freely across the gap and Maura had to catch Jane's feet before they slammed into the frame.

"Thanks," Jane breathed heavily again as she tried to twist her hips out from under her, a grimace evident on her face. Maura again just reached in and straightened her body out. She no longer waited for Jane to ask for help because she knew almost instantly by now when it was and wasn't welcome. Jane for her part was also relieved that she no longer had to keep asking.

"You were right, that wasn't pretty."

"I told you it wouldn't be," Jane laughed, "but it was worth it."

Maura gave her a huge smile. "I've missed our runs, so you're right about that."

"I know you've been feeling guilty about going without me," Jane eyed Maura as the other woman crouched beside her.

Maura took her hand and squeezed it. "I have, but I would never hold it against you. It was just one of the things we always did together and I didn't want to go without you."

"Well you don't have to now," Jane grinned and raised Maura's hand to her lips for a brief kiss.

Upstairs, Maura quickly stripped off her damp running gear and turned to Jane. As if she wasn't weak enough from the exercise, a naked Maura standing in front of her was just too much and she just let her arms fall beside her. Maura pulled down the zip at the neck of Jane's top and then reached below to pull the stretchy fabric upwards, taking Jane's arms up with the top. Peeling it off her lover's long arms, Maura simply threw it on the floor, for once her neat-freak tendency ignored it. Instead of continuing to undress, Jane took Maura hands in her own and pulled the other woman towards her. Getting the message, Maura allowed herself to sit straddled on Jane's knees, her legs dangling either side of the wheels on her chair. She felt Jane's arms snake around the back of her hips and she sank her chest forwards until her breasts met the cool, damp skin of her partner's. She looped her arms around Jane's neck and their lips met a moment later. Minutes passed as they just enjoyed the kissing.

Sex had been something of an experimental process since Jane had left rehab. Sometimes it was nice and she enjoyed what they did, but just as often, it had been disappointing and frustrating. She was a passionate person in everything she did and before her injury Jane had been physically playful and very active in bed. There had been bouts of tickling and rolling around, the covers would end up strewn across the room and Maura would be exhausted by the end.

But now Jane was limited. There was no other way of describing it. In her chair she was indestructible but out of it, she felt stranded almost by a body that just wouldn't cooperate. That was where the frustration began and frustration was never a good place to be in prior to sex.

She just didn't have the mobility to be as playful as she wanted, but the worst thing was the lack of sensation over most of her body. They tried to compensate by throwing back the covers and keeping the light on so Jane could see where Maura danced her hands across her lover's body, but it wasn't the same. That was the problem for Jane, it wasn't the same as it had been before and for a long while all she could do was compare; before and after, and it seemed particularly cruel and unfair that this had been taken from her.

Maura for her part was as she had been in everything, ultra-patient. She had been loving and generous, allowing Jane to find herself again. Sex was important to her, but she could wait until Jane was ready to explore more and think beyond what they had had before. Typical of Maura, she had read a lot and explored equipment which might help, but hadn't wanted to impose any of that on her partner's fragile self-esteem. Instead she waited until Jane indicated she was ready to resume that part of their relationship.

Jane had been apologetic throughout their previous attempts, frustration evident in her voice, but Maura had held her, kissed her, reassured her and slowly it was getting better each time. The only saving grace for Jane was that she had been able to take Maura over the edge even though she had felt very little in return; that at least kept her sane.

But that day, as Maura was held tight to her lover's chest, something felt different. It was the first time Jane had initiated things and the first time she had almost commanded Maura into her lap. Perhaps it was because Jane was still in the chair, rather than on the bed as they had been in all previous attempts, but she felt like the dark-haired woman was the one in control right now.

Maura's handed skipped across the pale skin behind Jane's neck and she felt her partner inhale. Dragging her fingertips over the strong, lean shoulders, Jane's voice deepened in response.

"Do that again," she said in what was almost a growl.

Maura's hands continued to dance along the tight muscles that had formed beneath perfect skin, marred only by the shooting. Maura didn't ignore the scar left behind by the surgeon who had been forced to reconstruct the two damaged bones in her neck and ran a finger down the length of it. Her head dipped below Jane's chin, lips brushing against her throat all the way down to the scar left by the tracheotomy. Jane hissed as Maura's tongue curled into the little hollow there. Maura's other hand snaked down the length of her arm and Jane released her grip to take hold of it as their fingers connected. Maura pulled Jane's hand in front of her face and sprayed kisses across her knuckles and then down the inside of her wrist. All the time, Maura kept part of her body touching the places that Jane could still feel. Jane was aroused now, not frustrated or irritated at what she couldn't do; she was just turned on and enjoying the moment.

Maura took her hands back and kneaded the firm shoulders, as they returned to kissing each other's lips. Her hands dropped a little lower, coming close but not yet dropping beneath the line, if you can call it a line, where sensation for the most part ended. Jane's left side felt nothing beneath her armpits, leaving her breast and everything below it completely numb. The line was almost visible by the change in the appearance of her body. The muscles which worked above her injury were toned and lithe, whereas beneath it, Jane was pretty bony. However, the right side was different. The line there wasn't so clear and she had both a degree of muscle tone and also patchy sensation in parts. She could feel touch across her right breast and just below that was a patch of skin over her ribs that tingled when anything brushed against it, below that just above her hip was a spot that tickled and always made Jane giggle if it was squeezed. Maura knew where these places were now and was intent on exploiting them, but she wanted Jane to be well warmed up first. As she teased the skin around the top of her breasts, Jane's breathing turned into shorter pants and Maura could feel the other woman pulling her closer and closer. The temperature in the room felt like it was getting hotter by the second. As she took Jane's right nipple between her teeth, the other woman hissed in pleasure. Maura rolled her tongue around it and then brushed her fingers across the hypersensitive skin beneath. Jane was almost delirious by this time.

But then suddenly it was Maura who gasped as she felt Jane's fingers slip inside her. She was sat in just the right place to make it easy for her. The long strokes were teasing her labia and G-spot. She could hardly think straight but returned her attention to Jane's right breast and began licking it like an ice cream cone. Letting it go, she blew warm air across the moist skin and Jane physically tensed everywhere she could control, including her fingers that were still inside Maura.

She gasped again and then went back to her lover's face which was a picture of arousal and heat. Jane could sense that Maura was about ready to pop and increased the rhythm of her strokes. She felt the pressure building inside her own chest until eventually Maura was panting and just grabbed around her shoulders, pressing their bodies together until she squealed with delight. This time Jane felt different though, it wasn't like she remembered an orgasm in the past, but as she brought Maura to climax, she felt the tingling from her ribs flush across the rest of her chest, up the back of her neck and into her scalp.

They sat like that for a few minutes, Maura squeezing her shoulders and breathing hard. She kept whispering "thank you," in Jane's ear. When eventually and reluctantly Maura slid backwards until her feet touched the floor and she could summon the energy to stand up, her hazel eyes sought out Jane's chocolate ones. "Did you just… you know?"

Jane was just getting to grips with breathing in and out again. "Kind of," she quirked an eyebrow and her dimples showed themselves as a smile spread across her face. "I mean it was sorta weird but I kind of felt this tingling spread all over here," she waved her hand across her chest and round the back of her shoulders. "I'm not sure what to expect anymore so I don't know if that's what it was but I liked it, _a lot_."

"Baby, I am so happy right now." Maura leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Are you?"

"I am. I didn't know if that was going to be possible for the last few months, but honestly, right now I couldn't be happier."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jane was not taking no for an answer from anyone in the precinct when she branded her sponsor form for the Boston Marathon. She and Maura had been training hard for the past three months and they were determined to complete the race. As Jane had discovered it was hard to turn down a policewoman in a wheelchair who was raising money for the Police Benevolent Fund. She had also roped in her entire family and all of her friends to gather as much as possible. True to form the local news media had been ready to take up the story and that brought in some interest from local business as well. Jane had turned into a celebrity for the few weeks prior to the race. For once, with a cause in mind she didn't mind talking to the reporter who turned up to see her practice.

It was the same reporter she had talked to just a few months ago at the award ceremony. This time, Jane made nice to him and let him ask all kinds of questions before they did the interview for the evening news.

The presenter in the studio opened the story. "So viewers may remember Detective Jane Rizzoli from Boston PD who was seriously injured when shot by a fleeing murder suspect last summer. Detective Rizzoli was recently decorated for her actions that day, when she put her life on the line to protect innocent bystanders. Despite wearing a bulletproof vest, she was shot under her left arm as she raised her gun to return fire, just above where the vest stopped and unfortunately her injuries were so severe that she was left partially paralysed from her chest down and has had to rely on a wheelchair since to get around. But in true Boston PD style, Detective Rizzoli fought her way back to health and back to work, but now she has a new mission; raising funds for the Police Benevolent Society by taking part in the Boston Marathon this weekend. Jeremy Wigfield has this report."

Jeremy's voiceover ran alongside footage of Jane getting in her racing chair and pushing along the riverside path that was her favourite training run. "Getting in and out of a racing wheelchair is not easy when you are paralysed from your armpits down, but Detective Jane Rizzoli, who was left a partial quadriplegic after being shot in the chest last year is training hard for this year's Boston Marathon, where she will compete in the wheelchair category for the first time. The road to recovery for the homicide detective has not been easy but now she in independent again, she plans to raise funds for the same organisation which helped make her home wheelchair accessible after the shooting. She's one of several officers from her precinct who will participate for the charity which supports sick and wounded officers and their families and I had the pleasure of talking to Jane earlier today; this is what she had to say."

"Detective Rizzoli, I know you have been working hard for the marathon, how many hours a week have you been putting into practice?"

"I guess I do at least ten a week, depending on work schedules, but more if I can."

"And I gather you used to be a runner before you were injured, how different is it to do the hard yards in a racing wheelchair."

"It's actually pretty similar to be honest, it's just about putting in plenty of miles and hoping you get it right on the day. Obviously the other runners aren't going to be too worried about flat tires like me but that's really the only difference." She gave him a big grin.

"What have the last few months been like for you?"

Jane inhaled deeply. "I guess it's been hard at times. When I woke up in hospital I couldn't breathe on my own so I had a tube in my throat and I couldn't move anything at all, then steadily I started to regain the use of my shoulders and arms; that began the process of relearning everything and fighting to get back my independence."

"I'm guessing that losing your independence must have been particularly difficult for someone who is accustomed to taking care of other people."

"Yeah, I got tired of having to ask for help with a lot of things, but that's been the motivation to push on with my rehabilitation and now I'm determined to repay those that helped me out when I needed them."

"Have your colleagues been supportive since you returned to work?"

"They've been awesome as you can tell by the number completing the marathon with me. I am very fortunate to work with some amazing people who are willing to risk everything to keep the public safe."

"And the fundraising I know has been going particularly well, how much are you hoping to raise?"

"Altogether I think the team has around thirty thousand dollars pledged from friends, family and local businesses so we're really excited to be taking part and hoping we all complete it in a good time."

"Wow, that's a lot of money. I know you have a target time in mind for your race, would you share it with us?"

"The qualifying time was three hours ten and I did my qualifying event in just under three hours so I'm hoping to keep that pace up."

"Well we wish you and your team good luck for the race on Sunday and if any members of the public would like to pledge a donation to Detective Rizzoli, the details can be found on the Boston Police Department website. Jane, we look forward to catching up with you at the finish line but for now, back to the studio."

Back in the studio the presenter finished off the piece. "Thanks Jeremy for that report and good luck to all of Boston's finest taking part this weekend and especially Detective Rizzoli, a remarkable woman. Here's the weather."

At the start line, Jane was alongside some of the World's best wheelchair racers. There weren't that many of them, especially women, but unlike the elite runners in the running event, here she was practically rubbing shoulders with them. They had their start a little earlier than the main race for safety – she wasn't sure whether that was for the wheelchair athletes or the able bodied runners who might just get run over.

She was nervous, expecting the best to set off at a fast pace and leave her trailing in their dust, particularly as she was so inexperienced and probably one of the most disabled. She needn't have worried. As the gun went off the pace at the front wasn't too fast early on as racers jockeyed for position, but as the first mile went by, she had fallen well behind the elite athletes who just edged a little further away with each push. Ignoring this she just kept her own pace steady without trying to match anyone else and soon found herself among the elite runners out on the course at the races merged. All the way, she heard cheering and occasionally her name came over the loudspeakers stationed where the crowds were at their biggest. It was quite nice to be amongst the fastest of the runners, she could only have dreamed of running it this quickly in the past. One of her colleagues was especially good and she hoped they might see each other at least, the rest of her team were likely to finish later.

Of course she could have slowed down to wait for them, but that wasn't her style.

At the finish line, which she crossed in two hours forty three minutes, Jane inevitably had the news crew waiting for her.

"I'm here with Detective Jane Rizzoli from the Boston Homicide Unit, who has just crossed the line and gotten enough breath back to talk to us. You must be thrilled with your time, I know you were hoping for around three hours."

"Yeah, it was a nice course, mostly a little downhill apart from the bit around the twenty one mile mark."

"What was it like out there?"

"Amazing, the crowd were great and the other athletes were all really supportive."

"I know you have been doing a lot of fundraising, remind us again what that is for."

"It's for the Police Benevolent Fund."

"A very worthy cause indeed and can we take a look at your medal?" Jane held it up for the camera. "Congratulations again, Jane and well done to you and your team for all the money you have raised."

To her relief, he let her go and she made her way to the family waiting area. She was desperate to get out of the racing chair and back in her regular one. Eventually she managed to find her mother, who had been waiting patiently for her to make her way through. They shared a big hug as Angela checked out the medal and Jane could see she was brimming with pride.

Help was on hand from some volunteers to help her transfer out, despite all the practice, her arms were like rubber, so she willingly let them hold down the chair and help pull her legs free while she manipulated her upper body.

"When the others get in, we are going to the Mandarin Oriental for a massage and some lunch. Maura arranged it for the both of you."

Jane lay on the massage table two hours later. The masseuse didn't talk much, but was very adept. She had started at the top of her body and was gradually working her way down. At the present time, she was somewhere on Jane's back, which she occasionally felt directly, but more often it was just the movement referred back up to the sensate parts that she detected. She didn't really care. Whatever was happening was nice.

Maura was on the table next to her and occasionally made a comment to her, but for the most part she was quiet as well. Occasionally Maura would turn to look over and check Jane was okay. She had warned the masseuse to watch out for spasms, but she hadn't been phased by having to help transfer her client onto the table or help turn over the lower part of her body halfway through.

The masseuse had asked Jane about her legs and whether she was comfortable with her touching them, but Jane had reassured her that it was fine, in fact it would be good for them to get a massage after they had been squished into her racing chair for about four hours in total that morning. Jane's only regret was that she couldn't feel any of it taking place.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Maura knew that this day of all days was going to be difficult.

The anniversary of the shooting.

Jane was working, but her mind was not on her job. Maura could see that each time she found an excuse to go up two floors from her office to Homicide.

Jane's role had morphed within the unit. When Cavanaugh had offered her a desk job, he was just keen to keep her around, even if all she did was enter witness statements and log evidence. But Jane had far too much to offer even if she couldn't bust down doors or kick a perp's ass. She was still great a figuring out a puzzle. She still had great instincts and asked all the right questions of witnesses and suspects. To suggest she wasn't on active duty might give the impression that she never left the precinct, but she did. If a crime scene was accessible and safe, she was given the all clear to attend. If they brought in suspects for questioning, she was often the one asking the questions. If evidence was unclear and needed a fresh pair of eyes, hers were the ones they turned to. In short, apart from chase down suspects and carry a gun, Jane was still an integral part of the team. She just rolled instead of walked.

But on this day her mind was elsewhere and everyone knew it. No one held it against her though. She wasn't usually given an easy ride, but today she would get one. There would be no 'Ironside' jokes or similar today. No teasing, no interviews, no evidence. Whenever Maura looked in, someone was walking nearby and without a word, they would just give her shoulder a squeeze or give her a hug from behind, just so she knew that they knew how hard the day was. But there was no great sorrow or fuss made, just quiet, unfaltering support.

As if she knew she was being watched, Jane turned and caught sight of Maura peering around the doorway. She gave her a hesitant, almost vulnerable smile. Dammit, she wasn't going to cry, not in front of everyone.

Maura took a step forward, but stopped. For the first time in a long time, she was worried that she was about to do or say the wrong thing. But she could read Jane like a book and she wasn't getting a look of rejection, she was getting the opposite.

She almost ran to her, but didn't want to draw too much attention. She gave Frost a wave and he gave her a smile that said 'do something'.

Maura slipped onto the edge of Jane's desk and took hold of her hand. "I know you're not okay, even though you are doing a stellar job of pretending."

Jane was quiet for a while. "Can we get out of here please? I need some air."

The walked for ages until they hit the waterfront. Jane rolled to a halt by a bench. "I think you'd better sit down. I forgot you were wearing heels."

"I didn't want to complain," Maura took a seat, grateful for the rest, and massaged her aching calves.

"Maura," Jane rolled her eyes. "You are allowed to complain if your legs ache, it's not like I'm going to burst into tears."

"Sorry," Maura held out a hand and Jane took it, and used it to pull herself alongside the bench. "I just thought that today of all days …"

"Don't say that, Maura. I don't want to spend the day moping around. Everyone has been doing that all day, tiptoeing around me like I'm made of glass and might shatter into a million pieces."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, but sitting here with you by the water is better than seeing everyone upset back at the precinct."

"They're just remembering what happened to you and that's emotional for them."

Jane looked at Maura incredulous for a moment. "Emotional for them? What about me?"

"Exactly, Jane, honey. You don't have to pretend that it didn't hurt you and that you still are hurt by what happened. You are allowed to be pissed about it. That's what they're trying to tell you. It's okay to be mad about it."

"But I'm not."

It was Maura who did the double take now. "How can you not be angry about it?"

"I don't know, and to be honest, if you'd told me a year ago that I would get shot that day and would end up paralysed and in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I would assume that I would have gotten exceptionally pissed about it. But I'm not. Don't get me wrong, this has been the hardest thing in my entire life to deal with, but somehow, I think I found some things out about myself and about you that I'm glad I know now."

"Like what?" Maura squeezed the hand she was still holding.

"Like this, me and you. Still together after all the difficulties this year. What I learned about you is that you really do love me unconditionally and I couldn't have known that unless we had been through such a trial."

"And what have you learned about yourself?"

"Apart from being indestructible?" She laughed. "I'm not sure. I just realised that the things I saw as important before, like running around chasing down the bad guys, beating doors down and throwing the cuffs on isn't anywhere near as satisfying as telling that mother last week that we had finally charged someone for her son's homicide two years ago."

"But what about not being able to walk and having to use the chair for the rest of your life? How do you feel about that?"

"Apart from not have to worry about my calves aching when I wear heels?"

Maura playfully punched her in the arm. "I'm being serious."

"Ow! I'm pretty sure I can arrest for that."

"Oh, please."

Jane was laughing at first then saw Maura pout. "I can't say that if by some miracle I wake up one morning and I can walk again, or even just feel again, that I won't be ecstatic, I would be lying. But I can live with it. That's just it. I am pretty happy right now. The chair doesn't define me, but its part of my life; part of my identity even. I can't live without it, so I have to live with it. That's just how it has to be and so I'll take this life and make the most of it, even if it's not quite how I expected things to work out."

Maura threaded her hand back into Jane's and leaned her head across the other woman's shoulder. "I have always been proud of you. I didn't understand you at first. You're so feisty, or at least you pretend to be. When we got to be friends, I always thought that you were someone who could be relied upon, honourable I think is the word I'm looking for. Then when we realised that we had feelings for each other beyond friendship, I knew that you would do anything to protect me. When you got shot, I was worried that you would just pretend to be happy to protect me from knowing how you really felt. I didn't think that you could ever be happy having to live with the restrictions that your paralysis forced upon you. But you surprised me. I saw how happy you were to be back at work and doing the things you enjoy and being with the people who love you. So now I'm proud of you for a whole other set of reasons, like how you make fun of your height now and when you threaten to kick someone's ass, like you always say. I guess I'm proud of how strong you are and determined and independent."

"I'm proud of you too. You have been so patient and loyal beyond what could be expected of anyone. I love that you have let me find my way, but that you always seem to know when something is just a little bit too hard. Even then, you make it okay that I need help sometimes. I've worried about being a burden on you, but you've never made me feel like one and for that I love you more than I can ever say."

Maura raised Jane's hand to her lips and kissed it tenderly. "You'll never be a burden. You're my hero."

Jane looked at Maura and their eyes met. "I don't want to think of this day and feel sad about it each year when it comes around so I have decided that I need to make this day special for the both of us. Something that makes us much more happy that it makes us sad."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well, if I could get down on one knee it would be better, but obviously that's not happening. I have been pensive all day because I wanted to give you this."

Maura gasped as Jane pulled a small velvet box from her pocket.

"If we make this day the day we promise to be together until the end, then it won't be a day to be sad about, it'll be a day to be happy about."

Jane had to work a little harder than most to get the box open, but inside was a beautiful solitaire diamond ring. She pulled it out and presented it to Maura who without even missing a heartbeat held out the correct finger for Jane to slip it on.

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will," Maura looked at the ring, then into Jane's eyes and she forgot the ring momentarily because it was the eyes that shone the brightest.

Author's note: If you made it this far, I'm guessing you thought this was worth reading. Let me know what you think and if you would like to see the story continue on with a sequel.

Thanks for reading.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks for all the great feedback about my little story. Anyway, in response to the requests, here's the next part.

Disclaimer: Rizolli & Isles belong to someone else, I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Part 2

Chapter 1

The annoyance factor had been reduced by a factor of ten for the brunette detective but there was a difference between reduced and removed.

She was sat opposite Kavanaugh in his office with a look on her face that clearly indicated annoyance.

"I just don't see why they can't at least let me try to get back my gun permit."

"Look Rizolli, I get it, I really do, but you have to see it from the brass's point of view. Your last medical said you had sixty percent hand function, they want ninety for you to be allowed to take the test, never mind go out on active duty."

It was proving an uphill struggle. Despite coping with pretty much everything her injury had thrown at her, Jane had failed to convince Kavanaugh that she was fit for active duty. She genuinely didn't need to be out on the streets but constantly having to wait until a crime scene was cleared before she could even get out of the car was just annoying.

"Come on, Lieutenant. This is such a crock. Stupid rules stopping me from doing my damn job properly."

Kavanaugh saw her hands gesticulate as she complained and the issue was obvious from that alone. Her thumbs didn't fully straighten, in fact only her index fingers did. The ring and pinkie fingers didn't straighten at all. He also knew that her right hand had full sensation on the back but half her palm and the two non-functioning fingers were numb. The left hand was worse and that was her dominant hand, functionally similar to the right but no sensation in the lower half of her hand on either back or palm.

"Hey before you get all hot under the collar, just remember that most people in your position would be doing a desk job or forced to retire. Don't make me out to be a bad guy when I already bend a few rules for you. I'm not supposed to have you questioning witnesses at the scene, but so long as it's cleared I let that one go. I'm sorry, Jane. I wish more than anything that things were working better for you but unless there is a significant change in your injury, my hands are tied."

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"What?"

"Your hands are tied," she lifted her own as she quoted his own words back at him."

He stared at her for a moment, realising what he had just said, but he knew she was just riding him because she wasn't happy with the decision.

"Get out of here and do some work," he indicated the discussion had ended. "Come back to me when a doctor says your hands are fully functional."

He didn't apologize and Jane was grateful for that. She hated it when someone showed overt sympathy. Going back to her desk, she cranked the internet to life and searched for hand therapy in Boston and straight at the top of the list, Spaulding Rehab. She put in a call shortly after.

She hated hospitals but Spaulding was okay. She was there often enough as it was so no one took much notice as she arrived at the hand clinic. She had been there as an in-patient and they had helped her get enough control of her body back to go home as quickly as possible. Since then her visits had been largely for the support group she attended and the adaptive sports club. She hadn't been back for much in the way of PT or OT since her discharge.

She went in to meet the doctor first. He was middle-aged with slightly greying hair and glasses. He invited her to pull up to his desk. After a little general chat about her injury, he pulled up her records and the got down to examining her hands and arms.

"I want to just check sensation first," he pulled out the small gizmo that all the neuro specialists seemed to carry to give her a pin-prick test first. He didn't start at her hands though, he began at her elbow. "Not sure how much anatomy you know, but the muscles which work your fingers are actually in your arm." He checked down her narrow forearm. "You have good sensation in the area we need to get firing, but the muscles are seriously atrophied. Partly that's because of your compromised neurology, but some of it may be down to the fact that your arms were out of action for quite a while and your hands in particular were the last function you regained in rehab. We need to try and get some of that muscle back. I would recommend Bioness treatment for you along with some physical therapy from one of the hand specialists."

"Do you think I have a shot at getting ninety percent?"

"I would say that might be hopeful, but I can tell you that whatever we can get back for you will be worth the effort even if it isn't the complete function you are after."

"I need that ninety percent if I am ever going to get back to active duty."

"Jane, I'd love nothing more than to give you a cast iron guarantee but I think you know enough about your injury to recognize that the chances of you recovering full use of your limbs is unlikely and I am not going to make promises we can't keep."

"They told me I would be lucky to get anything below my elbows back, spend the rest of my life in a powerchair and yet I can feed and dress myself, use a racing chair, get in and out of the car. All those things they told me I probably wouldn't be able to do, so why not this as well?"

"I do think you will continue to make advances. With the Bioness, we can give you more strength than you currently have, but this isn't a repair, it's training what you already have. I just don't think there is enough to get you out of the chair permanently. Most of the improvements have been in your upper extremities and torso. I read in your notes that you have a little movement in your right leg in the pool, but it's taken a long time to achieve that."

Jane huffed and knew he was right but she still wasn't prepared to give up the idea of getting her gun back.

"Okay tell me more about this gizmo you want me to try."

"It's an electronic device which stimulates the lower arm muscles. Hopefully it will increase your grip strength and finger dexterity."

He went to collect the device and showed her how it worked, then a therapist came in to collect her. They went into the hand clinic and got straight to work with some warm up massage and stretching, followed by a check of Jane's current manual dexterity. They used a series of tasks like putting wooden pegs in holes and squeezing clothes pegs onto a washing line. They also tested her grip strength with a dynomometer. The reading was pretty poor in comparison to the norms. Finally she was fitted with the Bioness device and then sent home with the instruction to use it every day for the next week.

Maura was pleased Jane was still pursuing her therapy but knew enough about SCI that she still felt her future wife would need a wheelchair. Progress was still taking place but it occurred so slowly now that realistically she wasn't getting out of the chair for years and by the time she was ready for that, the years in between would have taken its toll on her musculature and bone density. Maura knew that the longer time passed by, the more remote the possibility of any further significant gains. For her, the hope lay in scientific progress that may result in treatment to reverse SCI, though progress there was also painfully slow.

She watched Jane diligently switch on the device every evening. It was an interesting advancement and Maura hoped it would at least help in straightening out the fingers a bit more.

"Would you like me to massage your hands a little?" Maura had seen Jane remove the Bioness device and put it away into the holdall.

"That would be really great actually," Jane replied.

Maura sat on the sofa and Jane rolled up to face her, holding out her left hand. Maura took the slightly crooked fingers and pulled them straight, bending back the shrunken tendons. With the fingers held straight, the shorter woman then massaged Jane's forearm with the other hand. Digging into the soft tissues, Maura hoped for a complaint that she was hurting, because it should have but Jane instead started a conversation about Joe Friday needing his claws clipped and Maura joined in to her credit, but actually had her mind on her soon-to-be wife. The patchy sensation along her forearms was the issue and though the massage would help, it wasn't a cure for that.

"Jane, I want you to see Hope."

"As in your birth mother, Hope?"

Maura nodded.

"I thought you and she had a falling out," the brunette watched her lover's face intently, but she wasn't making eye contact. Maura's gaze remained fixed on what she was doing.

"I don't mean socially, I mean professionally. I think you are almost out of solutions with existing therapies and I know you want to get back as much as you can. I suspect she might be the only person who can offer something non-traditional."

"I think I'll stick with this for now." Jane didn't really want to be poked and prodded any more than was necessary and she had only just started the hand therapy.

Three months later...

Jane held her service revolver, arm extended slightly, in her left hand, with her right beneath the grip to steady it as per protocol. She aimed at the target and on the signal began the first of the series of tests. Kavanaugh had finally caved to her request; this wasn't an official test, just a check on her progress after weeks at the hand clinic. If she passed, at least she was keeping her dream of a return to active duty alive.

She squeezed off round after round, leaning into the strap that held her secure against the backrest of the wheelchair. She wasn't going to trust her dubious balance and trunk control to chance with so much at stake.

The sergeant conducting the test looked on with raised eyebrows. He knew about Jane Rizolli but hadn't met her before today. She might not be able to walk still but she was doing pretty well with the gun. He was both equally impressed and horrified at the thought of what had happened to her. To her fellow officers, she was a constant reminder of the dangers the job held.

At the end of the tests, he pulled together the target sheets and counted up the score and after recording it on the report, he grinned and tore it off the pad.

Jane looked down at the results. She had passed every section. Delighted she went straight back to the precinct to let Kavanaugh and everyone else who would listen that she was still able to wield her weapon if needed.

Kavanaugh checked the results and gave her a sad smile, instantly turning her good mood into something else. "What now?"

"Nothing, I'm really proud of you for this, but it doesn't change your status, Jane."

"I know, I need to get cleared by the doc," she wasn't expecting him to just let her back to active duty instantly.

"The doc won't pass you. I know that you can fire the weapon. I never doubted you would be able to, but you can't protect yourself at the same time."

She looked confused.

"You can't hold the weapon and move at the same time. That makes you a liability according to the rules."

Jane saw what he was saying. She would be a liability until she could walk at least. If she could move and return fire, she would be able to protect herself and someone else, but in the chair, it was one thing or the other. She had been naive. Her hands were nowhere near the ninety percent the department wanted, but it was irrelevant until she could get out of the chair anyway.

"Hey, Rizolli. For what it's worth, I don't care about the stupid test results. You are still worth your weight around here. I have a proposition for you." He looked pleased with himself. "We are setting up a cold case squad. We have a clear a clearance rate of eighty percent. One in five murders is unsolved in this city. We have a backlog of cases going back years and I for one would like justice for these people. How would you feel about taking on the job. I spoke to the chief and he loves the idea. You would have one detective, tech and crime scene support and uniform when needed to make arrests. You would be based here still, but it would be a promotion of sorts."

He hoped she would take it. It would be the perfect solution all round.

"I'll think about it," she replied. Turning to leave, she didn't look back but went straight to the elevator and down to the ME's office. "Maura, get me in to see Hope."


	17. Chapter 17

Part 2

Chapter 2

Hope scanned through the electronic version of Jane's medical records. it was quite a lengthy troll through. She was looking for anything that gave her some optimism for her daughter's fiancé and her prognosis. So far nothing she had seen made her feel like being a doctor was even slightly helpful in this case.

The bullet fragments which had caused the injury had been removed, the bones had long since healed and significant amounts of routine therapy had produced excellent results beyond the original prognosis, but that had stalled, entirely to be expected and now they were looking at her, wanting a miracle.

She didn't have one.

She also didn't want either of them sat in front of her but they were and that made it worse because she wasn't going to get a chance to formulate or write down her response.

Maura wasn't the best at perceiving other peoples emotional state, but Jane was a genius and she knew from just looking at Hope's body language that the news wasn't good.

"You don't need to say anything," Jane stated flatly.

Maura looked confused.

"I've never wanted to help someone more in my life," Hope was genuinely remorseful. "There's nothing left in there to take out. All the bullet fragments and bone splinters were removed successfully. Jane, the truth is that you are lucky to have as much function as you do, especially in your hands and your torso. If I had treated you initially, I would have said you would be looking at a powerchair and around ten hours a day of care. Instead you're independent and high functioning for a quadriplegic."

"But until someone comes up with a magic cure, I'm stuck in the chair?"

Maura expressed her dislike of that phrase but it was the older woman who spoke up.

"I wouldn't describe you as stuck. You should accept that the chair is part of your life, but there are a number of rehab centers with programs designed to get those with incomplete injuries walking again. The bad news is, they are expensive and time consuming. If you can afford the time and expense, you might recover enough to be able to stand and take a few supported steps. I wouldn't think you could expect more, your left side is too compromised for lengthy periods of unsupported walking."

"What do you mean by supported?" Maura wanted to know if it was worth the effort.

"Probably the best outcome would be being able to walk short distances with a walker for balance and probably a brace on your left knee and ankle. The right side you might get away without anything."

Maura looked at Jane. The brunette looked resigned.

"I can't afford to pay a fortune and take months off work, but even if I could, it doesn't really sound like I can make enough progress to do what I need to get back on active duty, does it?"

Maura shook her head. "But if you want to try, I would be happy to support you."

"I know and if I thought it would really help, I'd let you."

Hope looked directly at Jane. "You did a great job with the hands, they are around eighty percent functional now. I would like you to consider a round of intense therapy on your torso. If you can get more function back there, you will prevent future issues like curvature in your spine. Because of the irregular pattern of your paralysis, you would be in danger of that happening over the course of the next few years."

"Really?"

"Yes, but your chair is excellent and you have a custom backrest which supports your left side in particular so hopefully you'll keep scoliosis free."

Jane and Maura didn't say much on the way home and when they got back, Jane went straight to the room they had set up for exercise.

Maura found her an hour later, still working out as hard as she could.

Jane had a great piece of exercise equipment which had pedals for her hands and feet. She wheeled up to it in her chair, slipped her feet into place, fastening them with a strap and then started pedalling with her hands. The pedals were connected so that the motion of her arms powered the foot pedals, resulting in her legs getting exercise as well. It was the equivalent of an exercise bike for people with SCI.

It was easy to see which areas of Jane's body were sensate by what she was wearing. Her BPD vest was grey and her sweat marked most of the right side of it with the evidence of her efforts since she had arrived home. The left side was much drier; she didn't sweat where she couldn't feel.

"Are you following Hope's advice or just burning off your frustration?"

The brunette didn't answer straight away, continuing to push the pedals with her hands furiously.

"Jane? Please don't ignore me." Maura's tone showed genuine concern. Hope had just delivered a body blow.

Jane huffed and stopped pedalling, her arms were shot, at least for a short time.

Maura let her get her breath back and gather her thoughts by helping to free her feet from the pedals.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Sorry for the silent treatment," she gave her a sad smile. "I don't really know how I feel at the moment. Partly angry because no one can do anything about this, but also I'm a little relieved."

Maura had expected the angry but not the relieved comment. "How so?"

"I can move forward in life again now that I finally know where I stand," Jane paused and then broke into a giggle after she realized her turn of phrase had been somewhat ironic. "Perhaps, where I sit might be a more accurate description."

Maura looked at her and for a moment she couldn't decide whether to be appalled or amused,but as Jane's face clearly showed the latter was more appropriate, she broke into a fit of laughter as well and it was a few moments before either could speak properly. "That is completely inappropriate humor." Maura finally took a deep breath and managed to say something.

"I know," the previously taller woman acknowledged. "But what the hell, Maura. If I can't laugh at my own inadequacy, there's no hope for me." There was a brief moment of silence before they both fell about laughing as Jane did it again. "No hope for me!"

The pair of them literally howled until their sides ached.

"Stop it, please!" Maura elbowed Jane's arm playfully. Then after getting a grip of herself. "Are you alright?"

"Pretty much," the Italian-American drew a diagonal line from her left armpit to her right hip. "Hardly any left!" She giggled again.

"Oh my God, Jane, enough. I can hardly breath," she gasped between laughing. "Seriously?"

"Seriously, Maur. I'm done with expecting this to change." She looked down at her lower body. "I could be dead, or stuck breathing through a tube for the rest of my life, so I can't have any complaints." The laughter had left her voice now. "Hope made it clear that right now, traditional therapy is my only option and I will do what she suggested while ever I keep improving, but like she said, I'm not going to be walking anytime soon if at all. The idea of spending months, having to suspend my life and work my ass off, just so I can drag myself around with a walker, is not that appealing and it isn't going to get me back to my old job."

"Jane, I suppose I should have been more upfront with what I thought some time ago, I always knew the reality of your situation." Maura felt like she allowed her fiancé to go chasing wild geese. "I could have said it ages ago so you wouldn't have invested so much energy in trying to find a solution."

"No, Maura. You did exactly the right thing. I wasn't ready to understand before, but I am now. I was hanging onto the idea of being able to go back to my old life, our old life, but we can't. It's okay though. I'm going to tell Kavanaugh that I will take the new job."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I get some autonomy back at least then. I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back at the moment. And let's be honest, that doesn't leave me with a whole lot left." Jane broke the tension with another joke and poked Maura in the ribs until she gave up trying to be serious and joined in. "Come on, relax will you. I guess I already had an idea that I was grasping at straws, so it's okay. I just needed to blow off some steam in here for a while."

"I would give you a hug, but you are gross right now, so I'll settle for a kiss and go get you something to drink while you take a shower.


End file.
